Purple Butterfly

ok... ok...

Friday, June 06, 2008

I know I am not supposed to post pics of my ex on any any public website, especially on friendster. Well, my point is simple, in my heart as I am sure that in his heart, there WAS I and HE in mine. Yeah! Yeah! Past is past and I know I should move on. Well, what I can say is that I have moved past the hurt and I've accepted that we are no longer together. I don't want to delete my memory of him. Do I still love him? Maicoh asked when I made a native necklace for him and planned on giving it to him if I accidentally bump into him. Oh golly! It's all about him again cause when I placed stickers all over my closet, I designated an area for him where our old photos were pasted and I was smiling looking at all the photos we had. I deleted his pictures on my phone and his current deleted all our photos. I hope that someday he will look back and smile just like I smiled when I looked at our photos and smiled as well. Back to Maicoh's question, do I still love him? Maybe I still do and until then, I will still hold this special place in my heart. Do I miss my soldier? YESSSSS! EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Butterfly Tales
5:17 AM

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If I Am

If I Am

9 Days

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall
So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping
And you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly,
I'm not content to crawl
To give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith
I wanna be with you forever,
If tomorrow's not too late
But it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
And you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

So you're walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone, that you don't see the hands up held to catch you
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you've been handed
But though you cannot fly,
You're not content to crawl
And it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
But you should never let the sunset on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises

If I am,
Another waste of everything you hope for, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down...

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall...

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

The answers we find are never what we had in mind,
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams, I won't mention tomorrow
We won't make those promises that we can't keep

I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you
I will not let you down...

Butterfly Tales
3:43 AM

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Why A Soldier?

Monday, June 02, 2008

Why: I've asked myself this question, "Why a soldier?" That is because for a number of very good reasons. One thing is that I have never met anyone so dedicated to God, his job, his family, his men and his country in my entire life. It rings so true that I don't always get to be with him and I won't always know his whereabouts and it's been a challenge meeting each other eye to eye since the day we started communicating. I've never met anyone so humble, he has never bragged about any of his achievements and what he has accomplished. His family and more importantly his dad is so proud of him that he has always been considered the family's badge of honor. He is so selfless that instead of thinking only for himself, he thinks and considers others first. He is so dedicated for the cause of his men that they even held a party in his honor of which I was invited to join but was unable to plan ahead and failed to attend that party. It would have been a perfect opportunity to get to know him better, on how he is as a soldier and as a man. He is such a thoughtful and loving person. He has never failed to make me feel remembered. He has been to so many different places in the country, he would pick up stuff from these places he's been to, anything that reminds him of me. He sent me a bag full of goodies for my silver birthday this year. I already had a clue that he made something for me from his bare hands. That instead of buying me something to make me feel special on my birthday, he instead made a wonderful surprise, a hand-made blouse embroidered with flowers of his favorite color. I mean, anyone will be happy for getting a present at any time but he made me feel extra extra special. He poured out his creativity, his dedication and his love towards a piece of cloth. He made something out of nothing. Despite his busy and hectic schedule, he would find time just to finish what he had started to make for me. It didn't cost him a fortune but the time, the effort and sacrifices he has put into that blouse is PRICELESS. I love every inch of it and so proud of my soldier who lovingly made a gift for me apart from the many surprises that came with it. Silently, he has taught me so many wonderful lessons in life, lessons like when the going gets tough, the tough gets going, to learn the real meaning of LOVE, to patiently endure, and how LOVE never fails, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I've never met anyone so dedicated to God, he went all the way to SAGADA so he can be alone and so that he can search his heart to know God's will for his life. He has asked me to be patient and how he is praying that I will be at the end of the rainbow, waiving and smiling, ready to welcome him in my life. He has promised and assured me that he will be there to catch me when I fall. I have good enough reasons to stick it out with my soldier. As God's eyes are on the sparrow, I know that He is also watching over me.

How: I loved and lost just in time for Valentines 2008. I volunteered to be temporarily relocated to Baguio for about 2-3 months at the start of the year. My agent whom I have considered my bestfriend introduced the idea of meeting his bestfriend of 20 years who is stationed in BAGUIO since he is currently in the military service. She asked if I mind dating a guy around 30-ish, I accepted the idea and joked with my Bee ef that I was getting married to a solja! It was a set up at first on which we planned to meet 2.14.08, a valentine's day date. He failed to show up. Since that day, we have been planning and planning to meet. We've been communicating since and have already considered a number of things.

When: Only God knows the exact time and place that I will be meeting him, maybe this weekend, or the next or before the month ends, God knows that I have been waiting and I pray that I won't wait too long. In the meantime, I will continue to have faith:

Hebrews 11:1, 40

1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see... 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

Butterfly Tales
3:41 AM

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