A Grain of Sand

Brooke Fraser - Arithmetic

2009-03-05T21:53:00.001+02:00

I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marvelling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See I'd apologise my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

chorus
I won't find what I am looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score
'Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic

'Cos if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want

When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want

You'll still be the one I want

You'll still be the one I want

You'll still be the one I want

2009-03-05T21:50:00.001+02:00

Bless the Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

White Horse

2009-01-13T11:38:00.001+02:00

You made believe I was princess. This is my song for you:

White Horse

Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Baby I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
My mistake I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings;
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Whoa-Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.

stuff from ed ed

2008-12-28T05:55:00.001+02:00

Sometimes an uncontrollable feeling of sadness grips us,he said.We recognize that the magic

moment of the day has passed and that we've done nothing ahout it. Life begins to conceal its

magic and its art.

We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child

understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice.

The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

If we are not reborn—if we cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of

childhood—it makes no sense to go on living.

There are many ways to commit suicide. Those who try to kill the body violate God's law. Those

who try to kill the soul also violate God's law, even though their crime is less visible to others.

We have to pay attention to what the child in our heart tells us. We should not be embarrassed by

this child. We must not allow this child to be scared because the child is alone and is almost never

heard.We must allow the child to take the reins of our lives. The child knows that each day is different

from every other day.

We have to allow it to feel loved again. We must please this child—even if this means that we act

in ways we are not used to, in ways that may seem foolish to others.

Remember that human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God. But if we listen to the child who

lives in our soul, our eyes will grow bright. If we do not lose contact with that child, we will not

lose contact with life.

New Year's message

2008-12-28T05:02:00.001+02:00

You have to take risks, he said. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow
the unexpected to happen.
Every day, God gives us the sun—and also one moment in which we have the ability to change
everything that makes us unhappy. Every day, we try to pretend that we haven't perceived that
moment, that it doesn't exist—that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same as
tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover that magic
moment. It may arrive in the instant when we are doing something mundane, like putting our
front-door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the
thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. But that moment exists—a moment when all
the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles.
Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment helps us to change and
sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and
we will experience many disappointments—but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent
mark. And one day we will look back with pride andfaith at the journey we have taken.
Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed
or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow.
But when that person looks back—and at some point everyone looks back—she will hear her
heart saying, "What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have
you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were
fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life"
Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in
miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by.

Kikiro

2008-12-08T05:42:00.001+02:00

sigh... 'tis song's for you.

You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life
Going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I really fell
And I'm going through hell
Thinking about you with somebody else

[CHORUS]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [2x]

How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night that our paths will soon cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts

[Chorus]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [2x]

You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, will you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please

[Chorus]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [5x]

Love & Relationships

2008-10-10T12:21:00.001+02:00

I was wandering around my old emails when I found this:

Love & Relationships

About LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS
The ten types of relationship that won't work:

1. You care about your partner more than he does
about you.
2. Your partner cares more about you than you do
about him.
3. You are in love with your partner's potential.
4. You are on a rescue mission.
5. You look up to your partner as a role model.
6. You are infatuated with your partner for external
reasons.
7. You have partial compatibility.
8. You choose a partner in order to be rebellious.
9. You choose a partner as a reaction to your
previous partner.
10. Your partner is unavailable.

The six BIGGEST mistakes we make in the
beginning of a relationship:

1. We don't ask enough questions.
2. We ignore warning signs of potential problems.
3. We make premature compromises.
4. We give in to Lust Blindness.
5. We give in to material seduction.
6. We put Commitment Before Compatibility.

Seven Wrong Reasons to be in a Relationship:

1. Pressure (age, family, friends, etc.)
2. Loneliness and desperation
3. Sexual hunger
4. Distraction from your own life
5. To avoid growing up
6. Guilt
7. To fill up your emotional or spiritual emptiness.

The Lust into Love Formula

1. First, you feel powerful sexual chemistry with
someone or, in raw
terms,lust.
2. Next, you act on those urges and have sex with
that person.
3. Then you experience some guilt or discomfort
having been so sexually
intimate with someone you aren't that
emotionally connected with.
4. Finally you create a relationship with that person
to legitimize
your lust.

Five Realities about Love

1. Love is not enough to make a relationship work -
it needs
compatibility and it needs commitment.
2. It just takes a moment to experience infatuation,
but true love
takes time.
3. It is possible to experience true love with more
than one
person -there are many potential partners you
could be happy with.
4. The right partner will fulfill many of your needs
but not all of
them.
5. Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but
making love does.

Five Deadly Myths about Love

1. True love conquers all.
2. When it's really true love, you will know it the
moment you meet the
other person.
3. There is only one true love in the world who is
right for you.
4. The perfect partner will fulfill you completely in
every way.
5. When you experience powerful sexual chemistry
with someone, it must
be love.

Fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner:

1. Addictions.
2. Anger.
3. Victim consciousness.
4. Control freak
5. Sexual Dysfunction.
6. Hasn't grown up.
7. Emotionally unavailable.
8. Hasn't recovered from past relationships.
9. Emotional damage from childhood.

Here are seven compatibility time bombs that can
destroy a
relationship:

1. Significant age difference.
2. Different religious background.
3. Different social, ethnic, or educational
background.
4. Toxic in-laws.
5. Toxic ex-spouse.
6. Toxic Stepchildren.
7. Long-distance relationships.

Six qualities to look for in a mate:

1. Commitment to personal growth.
2. Emotional openness
3. Integrity
4. Maturity and responsibility
5. High self-esteem.
6. Positive Attitude towards life

"TRUE LOVE cannot be found where it does not
truly exist, nor cannot be
hidden where it truly does."

"God has given each of you some special
abilities; be sure to use them
to help each other, passing to others God's many
kinds of blessings." -1 Peter 4:10

Mystery

2008-09-30T09:54:00.001+02:00

The Mystery of what we call Love.

It is a mystery why we fall in love.

It is a mystery how it happens.

It is a mystery when it comes.

It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.

Just as life itself is more than the sum of bones and muscle and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interest and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty.

This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, them move on.

When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to se that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.

When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers.

They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of mystery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it.

You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself.

There Is nothing wrong with you.

Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love them, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return.

Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how it will deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joy, even if our lives and way are different.

If you fall in love with another, and they fall in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame.

Let it go.

There is a reason and there is a meaning.

You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love.

Love chooses you.

All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life.

Feel the way it fills you to OVERrflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.

Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.

Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

That is where many lovers go wrong.

Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need.

They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first flush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need.

They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love.

They forget the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart.

Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going.

You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying.

You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.

But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT WILL COME AGAIN

I Hate You

2008-09-22T06:35:00.001+02:00

I hope you know...

7 Things - Miley Cyrus

shh shh shh I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we've shared

It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care
and Now we're standing in the rain
But nothing's ever gonna change until you hear, my dear

The 7 things I hate about you

The 7 things I hate about you oh you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
You're friends, they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and it's silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology
when you mean it, i'll believe it
If you text it, i'll delete it
Let's be clear
Oh I'm not coming back
You're taking 7 steps here
The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
You're friends, they're jerks
When you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

and Compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention the 7 that I like

The 7 things I like about you
Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's
When we kiss i'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hand in mine
When we're intertwined, everything's alright
I wanna be, with the one I know
And the 7th thing I like the most that you do ooh
You make me love you shh shh
You do

I could hold on

2008-09-17T13:55:00.001+02:00

It's been hours now since I waited for 1 new message to pop up from my window. and... NOTHING. Oh how it breaks my heart waiting to hear from my soldier and how I looked forward to hearing from him. I am about to go home after spending 3 more hours at the office. My heart aches. Every throb almost leaves me breathless. I am now ALONE and surprisingly, these are the few times when I enjoy being alone and when all of my agents have gone home and I am left alone to explore the worldwideweb. Under my breath I say these words: I miss you. Hoping that the air would carry those words and whisper it to your ears. I miss you. Please think of me as I think of you.

There have been too many times that I had wished for time to go back, from when I was innocent and from when my life was less complicated. When all I ever cared about was spending another day at the beach to play with playmates. But I'll have to face tomorrow and not yesterday.

I spent the night with 2 new friends last night, R & R. We were talking, we were strumming the guitar and we were drinking (not hard liquors though) I couldn't feel the void in me as we shared stories, smiled and laughed at each other. But reality sets in when it's time to face the world and I am on my own again. There is strength in solitude but there is also strength in numbers.

So here I am, trying hard to exhaust myself so I can go home tired and weary without an ounce of strength to think, so I won't feel and grow numb from feeling that you are not beside me.

Tomorrow is another day, another day to be closer to you, I miss you.

On the top

2008-07-22T02:18:00.000+03:00

I realized that at one point in my life, I felt like I was on top of the world. I was promoted and I had the love of my life and he was in love with me and there was no one else... I want to remember exactly how I felt that day.

this might cheer you up!

2008-07-21T23:38:00.001+03:00

♥ Nadina

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did" When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence..... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

Like a STAR

2008-07-21T01:53:00.001+03:00

GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS.

YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,

BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!!!!!!

When Cheating Happens

2008-07-20T21:33:00.001+03:00

A very good friend of mine who was my agent before sent this email. I think she is about 6 months late. It's still a good read and one that got me to really think. Maybe in the future my ex or exes will bump into my blog and actually read this one.

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you dont have.

Somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or sensitive than the one you're already with., more sexy. more thoughtful. wealthier. better in bed. and you will meet someone who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your boyfriend/girlfriend ever did. because no boyfriend/girlfriend is perfect. because your boyfriend/girlfriend will only have 90 percent of what youre looking for. So, cheating happens when you look for the missing 10 percent.

Lets say your girlfriend is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty girl next-door who has a cheerleader laugh no matter what she says: I broke my arm yesterday, ha ha ha... Or because your girlfriend is a couch potato who is always in pajamas and smelling of garlic and cooking oil, you may fall for the CK-One-smelling colleague who comes to work in a sharp pinstripe blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your boyfriend is the type who never shuts up even when youve tried using duct tape, your heart may skip a beat when you sit next to a brooding, mysterious Latino on the bus.

But wait! Thats only 10 percent of what you dont have. Dont throw away the 90 percent that you already do! add to the 90 percent the 100 percent that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The many adjustments you have made to better understand each others little quirks and idiosyncracies. The wealth of memories that you have accumulated as lovers. The old sparks that can always be rekindled by the walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars...

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you dont have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already do.

unproductive

2008-07-19T04:37:00.001+03:00

I spent 2 days being an unproductive supervisor. I only coached two agents for the entire week. I'm not in the mood to work really hard lately. Imagine, I spent almost the entire shift yesterday surfing and reading unrelated work stuff. I am not even ashamed to admit that. I've been putting off work. It's like my entire physical self is screaming for a vacation but since I cannot go on any vacation soon, I sorta opted to settle with being physically present at work yet mentally absent. My mind goes anywhere from going to HK to SG or to Palawan. I've been really wanting to visit Palawan and it's not because my soldier is there but because I want to be some place where I can forget about who I am, what I've been through and not think about what is ahead and simply live in the moment . Oh please God, grant my heart's desire.. can't wait to have a vaycay! pft!

the warmth of your embrace

2008-07-18T02:20:00.001+03:00

It's early in the morning and it's so cold right now. The early morning dews are softly formed on each leaf as I had my early morning walk today. It was a beautiful sight to behold and I am wishing that I could share this experience with someone really close. But the closest I get of having any physical contact from the other human specie is a warm sweater I borrowed from a co-worker. Yes, the sweater is warm and serves as a nice substitute from another warm body but nothing beats resting your head on top of a living and breathing matter with the feel of the rise and fall of each of his heart beat. *sigh* I miss having someone and looking forward to a day with that someone. I guess I'll prolly have to take a back seat and watch life pass me by but I hope it really won't be long from now.

How to cherish the gift of a friend

2008-07-08T03:50:00.001+03:00

I read this on CNN.com today so I thought of sharing this lovin' to all my girl friends out there

Our friends are gifts. They are there for the good times and the bad, the celebrations and the sorrows, all the big and the small stuff. They are there for the job promotion and the demotion, for the marriage and the divorce, and for the hope and for the heartbreak. Friends are our confidants, partners in crime, buddies, gal pals and trusted counselors.

"A friend is someone who knows everything about you, but likes you anyway," goes the saying. There is no other human relationship like that of a friend. Unlike a sister, you chose a friend; she is not given to you as a result of biology.

Friends differ from husbands or boyfriends, partnerships that are layered with complexities (physical and financial). A friendship is a unique, wonderful relationship that you choose to grow, cultivate and nurture.

Friends support, love, care, listen, play and celebrate with us. This verse says it all: "Good friends are like bras: supportive, never leave you hanging, make you look good and are always close to your heart." I think that is as good a definition as any of the word friend I've come across. Oprah.com: Let's get together

In this busy, buzzing world we sometimes forget to stop and acknowledge this most valuable relationship. But it's important, and you'll be glad you did when you take a moment to tell your friend how special she is.

Leave a message on her answering machine telling her you think she is the greatest, or send her a card out of the blue saying, "Thank you for all that you are and all that you do." If you've had a disagreement, buy her a new lipstick and attach a note that reads, "Let's make up."

Helen Keller wrote with honesty and truth when she said, "My friends have made the story of my life." Think back to the moments that you cherish. Picture who was there. Nine times out of 10, your friends will have been present helping to write the story of your life too.

Host gal pal night. Invite friends to come together and share an evening dedicated to friendship. Start with a movie or television reruns of famous and iconic friendships like those of Lucy and Ethel, Rhoda and Mary Tyler Moore or the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

One of my favorite films is "Enchanted April", a beautiful tale about friendships that flourish in a remote hillside town in Italy. Serve popcorn and drinks. Or, to set the mood, put together a musical CD of songs about friendship; Carol King's "You've Got a Friend," "I'll Stand by You" from the Pretenders or "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler are a great start.

Above all, cherish your friend for as long as you have her.

source: OPRAH.COM

ok... ok...

2008-06-06T05:17:00.001+03:00

I know I am not supposed to post pics of my ex on any any public website, especially on friendster. Well, my point is simple, in my heart as I am sure that in his heart, there WAS I and HE in mine. Yeah! Yeah! Past is past and I know I should move on. Well, what I can say is that I have moved past the hurt and I've accepted that we are no longer together. I don't want to delete my memory of him. Do I still love him? Maicoh asked when I made a native necklace for him and planned on giving it to him if I accidentally bump into him. Oh golly! It's all about him again cause when I placed stickers all over my closet, I designated an area for him where our old photos were pasted and I was smiling looking at all the photos we had. I deleted his pictures on my phone and his current deleted all our photos. I hope that someday he will look back and smile just like I smiled when I looked at our photos and smiled as well. Back to Maicoh's question, do I still love him? Maybe I still do and until then, I will still hold this special place in my heart. Do I miss my soldier? YESSSSS! EVERY SINGLE DAY!

If I Am

2008-06-06T03:43:00.001+03:00

If I Am

9 Days

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall
So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping
And you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly,
I'm not content to crawl
To give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith
I wanna be with you forever,
If tomorrow's not too late
But it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
And you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

So you're walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall
But you're so far gone, that you don't see the hands up held to catch you
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you've been handed
But though you cannot fly,
You're not content to crawl
And it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say
But you should never let the sunset on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises

If I am,
Another waste of everything you hope for, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down...

So you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall...

If I am,
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of, I will let you down
If I am,
Only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down

The answers we find are never what we had in mind,
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams, I won't mention tomorrow
We won't make those promises that we can't keep

I will never leave you
I will not let you down
I will never leave you
I will not let you down...

Why A Soldier?

2008-06-02T03:41:00.001+03:00

Why: I've asked myself this question, "Why a soldier?" That is because for a number of very good reasons. One thing is that I have never met anyone so dedicated to God, his job, his family, his men and his country in my entire life. It rings so true that I don't always get to be with him and I won't always know his whereabouts and it's been a challenge meeting each other eye to eye since the day we started communicating. I've never met anyone so humble, he has never bragged about any of his achievements and what he has accomplished. His family and more importantly his dad is so proud of him that he has always been considered the family's badge of honor. He is so selfless that instead of thinking only for himself, he thinks and considers others first. He is so dedicated for the cause of his men that they even held a party in his honor of which I was invited to join but was unable to plan ahead and failed to attend that party. It would have been a perfect opportunity to get to know him better, on how he is as a soldier and as a man. He is such a thoughtful and loving person. He has never failed to make me feel remembered. He has been to so many different places in the country, he would pick up stuff from these places he's been to, anything that reminds him of me. He sent me a bag full of goodies for my silver birthday this year. I already had a clue that he made something for me from his bare hands. That instead of buying me something to make me feel special on my birthday, he instead made a wonderful surprise, a hand-made blouse embroidered with flowers of his favorite color. I mean, anyone will be happy for getting a present at any time but he made me feel extra extra special. He poured out his creativity, his dedication and his love towards a piece of cloth. He made something out of nothing. Despite his busy and hectic schedule, he would find time just to finish what he had started to make for me. It didn't cost him a fortune but the time, the effort and sacrifices he has put into that blouse is PRICELESS. I love every inch of it and so proud of my soldier who lovingly made a gift for me apart from the many surprises that came with it. Silently, he has taught me so many wonderful lessons in life, lessons like when the going gets tough, the tough gets going, to learn the real meaning of LOVE, to patiently endure, and how LOVE never fails, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I've never met anyone so dedicated to God, he went all the way to SAGADA so he can be alone and so that he can search his heart to know God's will for his life. He has asked me to be patient and how he is praying that I will be at the end of the rainbow, waiving and smiling, ready to welcome him in my life. He has promised and assured me that he will be there to catch me when I fall. I have good enough reasons to stick it out with my soldier. As God's eyes are on the sparrow, I know that He is also watching over me.

How: I loved and lost just in time for Valentines 2008. I volunteered to be temporarily relocated to Baguio for about 2-3 months at the start of the year. My agent whom I have considered my bestfriend introduced the idea of meeting his bestfriend of 20 years who is stationed in BAGUIO since he is currently in the military service. She asked if I mind dating a guy around 30-ish, I accepted the idea and joked with my Bee ef that I was getting married to a solja! It was a set up at first on which we planned to meet 2.14.08, a valentine's day date. He failed to show up. Since that day, we have been planning and planning to meet. We've been communicating since and have already considered a number of things.

When: Only God knows the exact time and place that I will be meeting him, maybe this weekend, or the next or before the month ends, God knows that I have been waiting and I pray that I won't wait too long. In the meantime, I will continue to have faith:

Hebrews 11:1, 40

1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see... 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

only the BEST!

2008-05-31T01:26:00.001+03:00

Falling in love is one of the BEST feelings I ever encountered in my entire life so it matters not to me if I have been crushed and burned as a result of falling in and out of love. I have learned through all my experiences with love and loving that it requires a tough person to stay in love and a brave one to explore its depth and intensity. But let me tell you that more than staying with the one person you love the most, it is more important for me to seek out the BEST for the person you love. TO be honest, NO matter if my friends or my family DID not accept my ex-beau, I still loved him the best way I know I can. That instead of forcing the issue between us, I rather opened my hands freely for him to freely explore his own life and what he can do with it. I still love him the best way I know I can and I MISS HIM. I sometimes wish that I am still walking beside him hand in hand as he carries my bag and as we talk endlessly about our day and how we used to have petty fights and my being a jealous and maybe not so possessive girlfriend but I have learned to respect his time and his space to explore. I am playing my cards right and I am not trying to win him back, only time can tell if we are really DESTINED for each other and if we are, I will no LONGER question his love and devotion for me. For now, I will let him be as I allow myself to explore too. There are still so many people that I want to meet and place to see and visit so I am not in a hurry and if in time he is not the ONE person for me, I am sure as the sun goes up everyday that there is someone out there for me.

the birthday girl - silver year!

2008-05-30T04:42:00.001+03:00

The Nerds

2008-05-29T03:19:00.001+03:00

The Nerds then...

The Nerds now...

Blouse of Many Flowers

2008-05-29T01:03:00.001+03:00

My own version of Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors

Blouse of Many Colors

All through the years
As I wondered once again
On to this season of my youth
I received a bag of presents that my soldier gave me
And how my soldier gave the gifts to me
There were gifts of many choices
As each piece was unique
And I didn't have a clue
And it was during my natal day
My soldier sewed a blouse for me
Sewin' every piece with love
He made my blouse of many flowers
That I was so proud of
As he sewed, I recall a story
From the Bible, I had read
About a coat of many colors
Joseph wore and then I said
Perhaps this blouse will bring me
Blessings and happiness
And I just couldn't wait to wear it
And it was blessed with a kiss

Chorus:

My blouse of many flowers
That my soldier made for me
Made only from his hands
And I wore it so proudly
Although we had no money
I was rich as I could be
In my blouse of many flowers
My soldier made for me

So with stitches on each pieces
So I wore it with my shoes
In my blouse of many flowers
I hurried off to work

And I found the others smiling
And loved it like I did
In my blouse of many flowers

My soldier made for me

Oh I really understood it
And felt that I was rich
So I told them of the love
My soldier sewed in every stitch
And I told em the entire story
I recalled while he sewed
And how my blouse of many flowers
Was worth more than all their clothes

Oh and they did understand it
And I tried to make them see
That one is only poor
Only if they choose to be
Thought I know we had no money
But I was rich as I could be
In my blouse of many flowers
My soldier made for me
Made just for me

Original Version of Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors

Coat of Many Colors

Dolly Parton

D
     Back through the years I go wondering once again

                                G7
     Back to the seasons of my/ youth

           D
     I re/call a box of rags that someone gave us

                                        G7
     And how my mamma put these rags to/ use

                D
     There were/ rags of many colours,and every piece was small

                                         A
     And I didn't have a coat and it was/ way down in the fall

             D                                G7
     Mamma/ sewed the rags together,sewing/ ever piece with love

                   D                          A
     She made my/ coat of many colours,that/ I was so proud of

      D
     As she sewed she told the story from the bible she had read

                                           A
     About a coat of many colours Joseph/ wore and they she said

           D                                   G7
     Per/haps this coat will bring you ,much/ love and happiness

                       D
     And I just could/n't wait to wear it

                 A                    D
     And mamma/ blessed it with a kiss

          G7                         D
     My. coat of many colours that/ mamma made for me

      G7                   D                 A
     Made only rags,but I/ wore it so proud/ly

           D                         G7
     Al/though we had no money.oh I/ was rich as I could be

             D                        A                D
     In my/ coat of many colours,my/ mamma made for me


      (CHANGE CORDS HERE)

      E
     So with patches on my breaches and holes in both my shoes

                                   B7
     In my coat of many colours,I/ hurried off to school

             E                                 A
     Just to/ find the others laughing and mak/in' fun of me

            E                         B7             E
     In my/ coat of many colours,my/ mamma made for/ me


     Oh,I couldn't understand it,for I felt I was rich

                                             B7
     And I told them of the love my mamma/ sewed in ever stitch

             E                               A
     And I/ told them all the story ,mamma/ told me while she
sewed

                  E
     And how my/ coat of many colours

                 B7
     is worth/ more than all of their clothes

            A                            E
     They/ didn't under stand it and I/ tried to make them see

           A                      E                    B7
     That/ one is only poor only/ if they choose to be/

            E                                 A
     Now I/ know we have no money,but I'm as/ rich as I could be

             E                        B7                E
     In my/ coat of many colours, my/ mamma made for me

       A                    E
     Yeah just for me.....

Blouse of Many Flowers

2008-05-29T00:48:00.001+03:00

My own version of Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors

Blouse of Many Colors

And I found the others smiling
And loved it like I did
In my blouse of many flowers

My soldier made for me

Original Version of Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors

Coat of Many Colors

Dolly Parton

beeee day! happy silver year with the nerds + Jude

2008-05-28T23:32:00.001+03:00

no excuses!

2008-05-25T20:51:00.001+03:00

There are so many excuses I can come with for not doing this or not doing that and I know that blogging could be one of them. But I will try not to find an excuse for NOT doing it. After all, a blog works like a two edged sword. With a blog, there is something concrete that I can look back on with my life, let's take for example, I wanted to remember how I celebrated my birthday last year and I realized that I was actually home and I only took one photo of me sitting on our couch at home. It wasn't a really a pretty picture of me because it was shot around 2 in the morning and I was dead tired at that time and no longer in the mood of looking for an angle that will compliment my face. Anyways, I love celebrating my birthday at around 2 in the morning of May 25 every year, that's because printed on my birth certificate, I was born at around that time. I sometimes go through a soul searching mode every year so I can determine what I would like to do during my new year. I've already figured what I want to do and I will do what I've always wanted to do. My mantra, with God with me, I CAN DO IT.

I had an honest conversation with my mom this morning, I was telling her how I could not help it but feel my heart break everytime the meeting with my soldier gets postponed. I've been waiting for him since 2*14*08. We have ditched every effort just so we can meet eye to eye. My mom openly told me TO STOP waiting, what she meant was that I should go on with my life and not counting him as part of it yet. I cannot keep on holding on to a promise NOT being fulfilled yet. I, as well as everyone around me is soooo thrilled to finally meet him. I always keep a positive outlook and I have learned a lot in this process of waiting that even when the set date approaches, I've learned to lower down my expectations and expect rather that I'll be disappointed again. I was actually moved into tears and with sheer envy, I can only be happy for my friends who are well on their way to being hitched. I am more than tempted to feel bad and have a pity party but I would rather see things on the brighter side. I am praying for a fruitful 2008 and a happy 25th year for me. This is the year when I stop to age, if you ask me my age next year, I'll say it out loud that I am 25, though technically, I am already 26... HERE'S to a great year!

My Constants...

2008-05-25T20:26:00.001+03:00

I just celebrated my silver with the constants of my life. I know for a fact that my family is constant and will back me up no matter what. I am most thankful to them and for their unconditional love. I thank God that though there are so many things in life that change, there are people who never cease to be your friend. It's regardless if you see them everyday or talk to them every time and even if somehow they seem forgotten and it's hard to catch up on each other's life, they're still your friends. Sometimes, days, weeks and even months go by without even seeing these people but you know they are there. Much like the stars at night, we seldom look up and admire it's beauty glittering amidst the thick black velvet sky but we know its there. I seldom express my love and appreciation to these constants in my life and I hope that I won't fail to let them know just how blessed I am to have them. They've been with me through the ups and downs and they have never failed to make me feel extra special, not only on special occasions but on times when I need a friend to talk to, a shoulder to cry on and just someone to laugh with. Than you guys! Soon these friends of mine will are on their way of building lasting relationships and establishing a family of their own. My heart swells with pride and joy knowing that they're happy with who they are with right now. It's really a miracle to find someone in life who will love us and accept us for who we are and who we are not. Despite my failed relationships, I am still hopeful and still blessed, when I see the radiant faces of these constants, I am reminded that God will always give us nth chances. I am praying that even if my past relationships failed, I'd still find happiness. God knows my heart and as I silently pray to Him, I am assured that He answers prayers... always... Thank you for a blessed life Lord, and thank YOU for being who YOU are, a CONSTANT.

silver year

2008-05-23T23:46:00.001+03:00

I will be celebrating my silver year and I would like to list down the things I have achieved but that will bore me to death. I have so much to thank for in life and thankful to celebrate 25 years... I hope that this will be a memorable year for as I know there is much in store for me out there. I have no idea what is to come but I am facing this new year in my life with expectant and grateful heart in whatever circumstance or situation that will come my way. More on this but hafta go for now...

Patented

2008-05-21T03:18:00.006+03:00

These are some of the accessories I've come up with, I'm just allowing the creative juices to flow for now... I might launch them in the market once I've gathered enough accessories to sell. This is it for now...

when I look at the stars

2008-05-19T04:34:00.003+03:00

Found a way!

2008-05-19T03:49:00.002+03:00

There's just so much to write about, I don't even know where to start. I can almost see cobwebs all over my blog when I happen to visit today and my last entry did not even in any way update of what my life has been. Let's just say I have a new love as the stars would put it and every night we watch the stars, glowing faithfully despite the dark clouds... More on this thought but I'd rather blog on the more mundane stuff first. I am also reminded to blog in friendster, I didn't realize that there are curious people who happen to read it and if I can make a difference to another person's life by what I write, I hope my blogging will do. I guess I am too occupied with just too many things. (I'll have to thank my bee for teaching me how to post my blog through e-mail) Technology is amazing!!!

Anyways, moving on with my point, I am PROUD of my little accomplishments, I wouldn't consider them GRAND or worth noticing but I am mighty PROUD of what I have accomplished lately. Well, I am talking about several accessories with my bare hands. Somehow, the creative side of my soldier has aroused that creative side of me, I will be posting pics of my creation soon and in high hopes that it might attract potential buyers one of these days. My goal is not so much to sell the pieces I've made but more on to get those creative juices flowing. I am wearing one today and in as much as I want to sell this piece, I'd like to keep it. If I am able to put up my own store today, I'd name it PATENTED. On one of my soldier's emails he mentioned the word, PATENTED while he was referring to cooking up a surprise for sh0es and I, he didn't want anyone to copy what he was planning on. I realized then that it's a great name for a brand, it's like the term BRANDED but has an all too different meaning all to itself. Anyways, going back to patented, I have learned to put a patent on the small pieces I've made and remade. I have gained access to the affordable accessories here and what I do to put a patent on them is to remake those accessories to make it stand out or different from all the rest. There are so many nice and very affordable accessories out in the market but what makes my creation better is the fact that you won't have anyone just like it. It'll be a ONE of a kind design. I'd like to graduate from accessories to prolly clothing someday but I can always take these things one at a time. I can't even wait to show off those pieces I made. I have made several bags with the guitar design and although I am not sure if I can still make another one, I'm just glad I was able to create a simple guitar print come alive with beads and crystals. I made a shirt with pictures of me and my ex so my ex will be reminded that though our past relationship has become water down the drain, there are memories worth remembering. But even that has to be set aside and placed in the closet, I ask myself, what for anyway... We've chosen different paths now and I've NO REGRETS! Not having my love here allows me all the time in the world to rediscover myself, who I am and what I love to do.

One of my friends bumped into my ex-ex(my ex before my ex, go figure) my friend was just glad to announce the level I have reached at work but instead of being happy for me, he commented, "yeah! I have a bigger salary than her..." AS IF! I mean, the nerve of him utter such remarks! It's not the MOOLAH BOZO! It's the level of difficulty and respect I get for being where I am today and I am more than happy to have maintained my position for more than a year now and what about you, if I may ask, you've been hopping from one job to another and not so much accomplishing anything. I'll bet my resume looks better than yours! I was just pissed off trying to belittle me again... But I've got nothing to prove to him anymore since he's been history ages ago.

To happier thoughts, it's my silver year, I'll be turning 25 and I honestly don't know what's in store for me, I don't even want to wake up on the 25th 'cause since I can remember, the 25th is tingbits so I don't have enough funds to celebrate. It's a good thing it'll be my restday. I have prepared party hats but that's just it. hehehehehe I'll have to leave it all to the mighty hands of God to work out a miracle for me. I'll have to park for now, I have been staring at the PC, my eyes are now watery...

lotta love!

NO OUTLOOK

2008-05-19T03:06:00.001+03:00

There have been problems with outlook in the office. Too bad!

Love Is...

2008-03-30T01:18:00.001+02:00

Love Is...

by Purple Butterfly

Baking you a batch of you favorite cookie

Greeting you each day with a cup of coffee

Sweetening your day with a candy

Topping your choice food with a cherry

Dropping by when I happen to pass by

Addressing you with a smile when I say hi

To be your clown when you're sad

A word from the wise when you're bad

Arranging music and melody in a song

Concocting a perfect blend of words in a poem

Every fraction of my undivided attention

Baring all forms of deed that show affection

An abundant space in my heart

Imparting light in the dark

Offering resolution when you're puzzled

Making more time despite my busy schedule

A room full of valuable insights

Allowing complete liberty to explore heights

Granting freedom to make and learn from your mistakes

Providing sufficient room for changes to make

Praying to help you in your struggles

Taking a leap to hurdle obstacles

Strength to lift when it's hard to handle

Cherish each moment to hug and cuddle

Sacrifice that needs to be taken

Bestowing gifts that need to be given

Igniting the passion when we're closer

Finding a reason to be together

Showing you a dash of my concern that I know can go a long way

Flashing my sweetest smile to brighten up your entire day

Lavishing you sweetness that you can always treasure

Showing you tenderness that can never be measured

That's what LOVE is…

From me to you, well just to mention a few…

Putting it all together in making you this poem.

For who can stop the heart from beating when it's beating for LOVE?

Thousands of melodies have been written

Thousands and even millions more fought and so many have given up their lives

And in what name? All in the name of LOVE.

LOVE can never be measured, it has neither height nor depth

LOVE can never be touched yet it is felt by the heart.

LOVE can never be fathomed, neither the wisest of the wisest nor the foolish of foolish

LOVE can never be just a "A little…"

For it is LOVE that reunites two souls together

For it is LOVE that binds and heals broken hearts

For it is LOVE that compels one to toil and to labor

For it is LOVE that brought me to you

LOVE is the reason for the Father to send his SON

LOVE is the reason for the SON to shed his blood on the cross

LOVE is the sole reason for that sacrifice

LOVE is the greatest among the three that remain: FAITH, HOPE and LOVE.

We Could Be in Love

2008-03-23T19:55:00.001+02:00

We Could Be in Love

Lea:
Be still my heart
Lately its mind is on it's own
It would go far and wide
Just to be near you

Brad:
Even the stars
Shine a bit bright I've noticed
When you're close to me

Lea:
Still it remains a mystery

Chorus (Both):
Anyone who seen us
Knows what's going on between us
It doesn't take a genius
To read between the lines Brad: ohh
And it's not just wishful thinking
Or only me who's dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love

Lea:
I ask myself why
I sleep like a baby through the night
Maybe it helps to know
you'll be there tomorrow

Brad: Lea:
Don't open my eyes Ohhh
I'll wake from the spell I'm under
Makes me wonder how Tell me how
I could live without you now

Both:
And what about the laughter
The happy ever after
Like voices of sweet angels
Calling out our names
And it's not just wishful thinking
Or only me who's dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love

Brad:
All my life
I have dreamed of this
But I could not see your face

Lea:
Don't ask why two such distant stars
Can fall right into place

(Repeat Chorus)

Both:
Oh, it doesn't take a genius
To know what these are symptoms of
We could be Lea: ohh
We could be, we could be in love

Brad:
Could be in

Both:
We could be in love

feelin' sorry

2008-03-18T00:30:00.000+02:00

My soldier’s response on the issue of postponing the ASIAN tour:

Let me leave you with this:

In all things, always give thanks... you might not be where you want to be but neither are you where you use to be. If it hasnt happened yet, that doesnt mean it wont happen... A delay is not a denial from GOD; in HIS own time, He will make all things beautiful... let us just be patient and wait. It will all be worthwhile then!

feelin sorry,

-=Michael=-

Eleven Minutes

2008-03-07T19:57:00.001+02:00

All my life, I thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. Well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. The person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly.

And the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free.

That is why, regardless of what I might experience, do or learn, nothing makes sense. I hope this time passes quickly, so that I can resume my search for myself – in the form of a man who understands me and does not make me suffer.

But what am I saying? In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.

It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone.

That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

-Eleven Minutes

Stars

2008-02-29T03:28:00.001+02:00

We all live in our own world. But if you look up at the starry sky, you will see that all the different worlds up there combine to form constellations, solar systems, galaxies.
(Veronika Decides to Die)

Complete the Circle

2008-02-23T04:32:00.001+02:00

That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

-The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

I made it for you

2008-02-13T02:43:00.000+02:00

Love Is....

by: TM CRACKER

A little piece of your cookie

A liitle sip of your coffee

A little bite of your candy

A little slice of your cherry

A little gaze when you pass by

A little waive just to say hi

A littl joke when Im sad

A little poke when Im bad

A little melody from your written song

A little line of your favorite poem

A little portion of your undivided attention

A little motion to show your affection

A little space in your heart

A little dark in the light

A little thought when Im puzzled

A little time in your busy schedule

A little nook for valuable insights

A little liberty to explore heights

A little freedom to commit mistakes

A little room for some changes to make

A little prayer amidst my struggles

A little leap to hurdle obstacles

A little lift when it's hard to handle

A little moment to hug and cuddle

A little sacrifice to be taken

A little gift to be given

A little passion to be closer

A little reason to be together

A little dash of your concern can go along way

A little flash of your smile can brighten up my day

A little brush of your sweetness can always be treasured

A little hush of tenderness can never be measured

That's what LOVE is....

Just to mention a few, starting with me and you

Putting it all together as unto the MASTER

Our little becomes much even with just ONE touch

He orchestrated everything

To be demonstrated to every creature and being

The greatest SOURCE can only be found

In CHRIST JESUS, the King on calvary's ground.

I've found you...

2008-02-04T21:03:00.001+02:00

The Last Night Of The World

In a place that won't let us feel
In a life where nothing seems real
I have found you
I have found you
In a world that's moving too fast
In a world where nothing can last
I will hold you
I will hold you

Our lives will change when tomorrow comes
Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums
and we have music all right
tearing the night

A song
played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound, a lonely sound
A cry that tells us love goes on and on
played on a solo saxophone
It's telling me
to hold you tight
and dance like it's the last night of the world

On the other side of the earth
There's a place where life still has worth
I will take you
I'll go with you
You won't believe all the things you'll see
I know 'cause you'll see them all with me

If we're together that's when
we'll hear it again

A song
played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound, a lonely sound
A cry that tells us love goes on and on
Played on a solo saxophone
It's telling me
to hold you tight
and dance like it's the last night of the world

Dreams
they were all I ever knew
Dreams
you won't need when I'm through
Anywhere
we may be
I will sing with you
a song...

A song played on a solo saxophone
So stay with me
and hold me tight
and dance
like it's the last night of the world

Finally

2008-02-04T07:17:00.000+02:00

It's hard to describe holding on to something that you have doubts will last a lifetime. I gave it my ALL, nothing less than my ALL and why do I feel as if it was not my loss? I knew from the start that forever might not come into a reality but I took the risk, I fought and I bled. Now, I am tired of fighting, I gave it one last shot, I gave it every ounce of me until I have nothing left to give. Can I honestly say I'm happy at the end of it all? Yes, I am happy because now I know just how much I can love someone. It was never easy but I sailed on the rough seas even when others around me told me it was not worth the fight anymore. I sailed on in high hopes of finding a real treasure. It reminds me of Coelho's The Alchemist. After going through difficulties, journeying to places where he's never been, his treasure is right where he left off. My treasure is still my family and friends who stood by me though I have neglected them in my quest to find my real treasure. It's still hard to accept reality, i wished that it was just a nightmare and I'd wake up beside the one I love. But this is reality and reality is, someone else is making him happy. I should really just be happy for him. Even if loving means letting go, I am still willing to take that road. *sigh* Thank you friends, for showing me that I am still loved and I am a treasure even if the one I loved did not see that.

Bantayan... Sinulog...

2008-01-12T03:24:00.001+02:00

Ahhhh… My first entry for what seemed like an endless vacation. So much has happened that it’s hard to keep up with life. I still have my dreams with me and I am happy that I have the power to make those dreams come true. I finally planned the trip for my bestfriend Alma. She was here to visit me sometime September last month since I told her I was already resigning. My resignation is still pending so I got to celebrate Christmas here in Cebu. Alma and I used to talk endlessly about wanting to travel, eating at different restaurants and simply exploring the country. Almost 4 years has passed and we haven’t quite toured the Country yet. For now, we lack the funds but I learned from another sup here that life is what you make out of it. If one is determined to get what he or she dreams then it’s definitely going to be a breeze. The highlight of the trip would be our trip to Bantayan. I’ve heard lots of good reviews from Bantayan. Although I’ve never been to Boracay, I wanted to explore the white sands of the beaches nearest Cebu. I am quite excited about this trip and I looking forward to breathe the breeze, to feel the warmth of the sunshine and the feel of sand underneath my feet. I’ve been in Cebu for three years now but not once did I allow myself to watch the parade, I figured that it’s too crowded, too noisy and too hot. Almost every school in the city is busy preparing for their street in high hopes of bringing home the pride of being number one. Sinulog is the biggest festival in a metropolitan like Cebu. Hotels, motels and inns everywhere are fully booked by that time. A lot of people would spend moolah just to be part and witness the event. Here I am, it’s going to be my restday and my bestfriend or both of my bestfriends are coming over so I am making the most of the experience. I’ve been looking forward to fairer skin but I think I’d want to try to be tan once in a while. Come to think about it, I feel so blessed to have 2 great bestfriends in my life, I don’t just have one but 2 of them and they’re not just ordinary girls, they’re awesome and let me add that both are stunners. Hehehehe you know what they say, ‘birds with the same feather flock together.’ There’ll be pictures posted on the blog for sure and I’m sure that it’ll be worth the time, the effort and the money. I love both of my girls and although they may be different in many ways both are also alike in a lot of ways. No wonder I became close to them. I grew up without a sister so both of them kinda filled that spot for me. Just one week more and I’ll be prancing round the sun… sigh! Can’t wait!

I'm going Home

2007-11-27T00:49:00.001+02:00

Home

Daughtry

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Nth Chances

2007-10-08T20:44:00.001+02:00

Just how many chances do we actually get in life? I am beginning to ask myself this question since I just ran into some heavy drama with my beau before going to work. Everything was going well, I started to see and feel his effort of showing me how much he cared for me. No matter how we tried, we almost broke up a few weeks back, I went home for a vacation and when I came back, we were trying real hard to bring back the lovin’. No matter how hard it was that we went through we still figured out at the end of the day that we still wanted each other and that we wanted to give our relationship an nth chance. I became desperate and I groped for ways and solutions to give our relationship an nth chance. Rox became a good student of LAW of Attraction and to be honest, I didn’t get it at first, I just went by whatever life gives me or gave me without realizing that we attract what we actually want in life. I’ve tried it once or several times back then but I never thought or even believed that there is such a law governing what I thought was just coincidence. It’s been working really well with my bee ef. What I can say with this law that I can relate with the BIBLE is that it takes a lot of faith to believe that it will actually come true. It takes a child-like faith. I have questions governing such law though, that maybe that it is not at all absolute. Let’s say for example that I want so much to marry my beau and build a family with him, I think about it, I visualize it and focus on it and everything needed as a proven fact that the LAW of Attraction really exist. What if I don’t end up with him, what if after visualizing and all the focusing, it wasn’t enough to make that vision come true? Should I just be content and say that maybe God did not exactly intend for us to be together in the first place? I particularly remember one thing Edgar asked me, he asked me the difference between a wish and a goal. Maybe I am just mixing up wishful thinking with the Law of Attraction. Because to me, the law seemed like wishing something really hard and when you’ve wished hard enough, it will eventually come true. I am not particularly keen to the subject of Law of Attraction ‘cause admittedly I haven’t fully understood it well. I wanted to learn it, embrace it and live it. Knowing something is different than living it. I admit I have so much to learn in life and like what my mom said, I need to find my balance.

Remembering

2007-09-13T15:54:00.000+02:00

I was glad that my Kuya came for a visit with his wife Angeli tonight. I have a thing for family dinner, lunches, breakfast or anything involving the family. It was my first time seeing Anj with her burgeoning belly and oh my am I excited to see the little thing growing inside her belly. It's gonna be the first apo on both sides of the family. Serves right cause both of them are the eldest. Here's a picture of their lil one and I can say that this kid has a striking resemblance to my kuya so I am calling him my little Kuya. I am definite that this baby is gonna be showered with so much love from everyone. I hope he's not gonna grow spoiled.

I've decided that tonight is gonna be my last night here in CDO and as with the other nights before, it makes me and my parents sad that I will be leaving. I talked with my papa and he told me how disappointed he is at me for not coming home yet. Well, I've done a lot of thinking since I came home and I know it's best for me to stay home. But before I leave everything behind, I will make sure to fix everything before I leave, make sure that all ends will be tightened so I can live peaceably back here in CDO. I am excited to go home and stay here before I plan my next move. I know I will be leaving people behind in Cebu but it's so much harder leaving the people who love me unconditionally. It won't be long from now. I can feel it...

My place called home

2007-09-10T13:20:00.000+03:00

My bestfriend Alma sent me a very honest message, one that made me realize that I have been so out of touch with those who are closest to me. It was really hard to admit that my world revolved around work and my beau? or maybe ex-beau... I had a close friend come up to me one time and said that he hasn't seen me hanging out with my group of friends he labeled as Nerds. I realized those who truly cared for me when I was admitted at the hospital. The doctor diagnosed me with a bleeding disorder with no known cause or treatment. It's a rare case. I started to spit large amounts of blood that was first suspected coming from my ruptured tonsils. The amount was so large that the source could be coming somewhere other than the tonsils. After several tests, they found out that my vital organs are all intact, it's not ulcer, tb or anything with the liver. I cannot thank God enough that my health is not in its worse condition yet. My mom came to see me on the day I was discharged at the hospital and since my place is not a conducive place for rest, she can't even cook good food for me and there wasn't enough space for the both of us to sleep on we decided to sail for Cagayan de Oro on that same night. The doctor did not have to issue any medication but I will be under observation. There were really times that I felt a salty taste on my mouth, a signal that I would be spitting blood anytime and it was when I would pray the hardest. For one, when I was at the hospital, I was mostly alone and it was a scary experience seeing all those blood come out from my mouth and no one helping me out. I didn't want to go through it alone. I know for a fact that my health deteriorated because I have been feeling lonely, I have been feeling all the pressure at work, my finances are not in good shape and I have been having problems with my beau. All these were enough to send me straight to the hospital. Being the great parents that they are, they didn't care about the cost, they just wanted me to be home with them so I can recuperate well. So here I am at home, surfing the web, eating all the good food and enjoying the company of the people who love me no matter what. I needed this break and to realize a lot of things in my life. I went to see another doctor today and he said that just by basing on the tests conducted, I have nothing to be worried about but to take ample amounts of rest, good food and a lot of tender loving care. That's exactly what I am getting since I came home. It's been great being home. I can't think of any best place in the world but home. I wish to thank the nerds for being with me the entire time, Krishna for staying overnight and for helping when I was discharged, Nikki for the food and Debbie for taking the time to visit me. You girls are lovely and having you all makes life easier. I had a really pretty nurse who accompanied me during lab tests, she was so patient, pleasant and a very sweet girl, she was one of the interns of Cebu Doc. I never had the chance to thank her, thank you Diane King. And to everyone else who paid me a visit, for taking time out of their busy schedule to drop by, to my cousin Pangkoy for staying overnight and everyone else who prayed for me and silently supported me the entire time. And of course to my family, my mom and papa especially. For loving despite of many things. I'll never forget this experience ever. I thank God for keeping me and for just allowing me to rest through this. I owe you my life Lord.

Cebu Doc Rm 523 with the Nerds

My Birthday

2007-09-09T17:57:00.001+03:00

I am very new to uploading a video on blog so I am trying this one out. This was taken on my birthday last May 25, 2007. That was the last time I spent time with my family, just all five of us before welcoming a new addition. My kuya was to be wed the day after so this birthday lunch meant a lot to me. My papa was fussing over Kaloi's Barong and that I found amusing.

things to say

2007-09-02T01:36:00.001+03:00

Four in the Morning

Gwen Stefani

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

There’s just so much to say and I would rather say them all in a song. I am liking this song by Gwen cause I can identify with the lyrics somehow. It’s true that I do not want anything less than everything cause I know for a fact that I can give all of me. And that is every part of my being. It’s really hard to explain how I am feeling right now so let this song just say it all.

Gotta Go My Own Way

Gabriella & Troy (High School Musical 2 Soundtrack

Gabriella
I gotta say what’s in my mind
Something about us
doesn’t seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
is always rearranged
It’s so hard to say
But I’ve gotta do what’s best for me
You’ll be okay
I’ve go to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away
Don’t wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another colour turns to grey
and it’s just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away
I’m leaving today ‘coz
I’ve gotta do what’s best for me
you’ll be okay
I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away

Troy
What about us?
What about everything we’ve been through?

Gabriella
What about trust?

Troy
You know I never wanted to hurt you

Gabriella
And what about me?

Troy
What am I supposed to do?

Gabriella
I gotta leave but I’ll miss you

Troy
I’ll miss you

Gabriella
So I’ve got to move on and be who I am

Troy
Why do you have to go?

Gabriella
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand

Troy
I’m trying to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place in this world someday
but at least for now

Troy
I want you to stay

Gabriella
I wanna go my own way
I’ve got to move on and be who I am

Troy
What about us?

Gabriella
I just don’t belong here
I hope you understand

Troy
I’m trying to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own away (3x)

I'll Be Alright

2007-08-26T03:32:00.001+03:00

I’ll Be Alright

Sarah Geronimo

It's time for me to let you know
I am so glad that I have you
Through all these years
I am so thankful

Now that I've grown
I'll always be thinking of you
With all the things you taught me so
Always remember

I'll be alright, I'll be ok
I will be good learning all the way
All from the heart, these things I do
I'll make you proud because I love you
I'll be alright, I'll be ok
I will be fine
And I'll be good all the way
All from the heart, these things I do
I'll make you proud because I do
I love you so

I will stand tall and I'll try not to fall
As I reach all of my goals
I will go on, I will move on
All because of you
For you

I'll be alright, I'll be ok
I will be good learning all the way
All from the heart, these things I do
I'll make you proud because I love you
I'll be alright, I'll be ok
I will be fine
And I'll be good all the way
All from the heart, these things I do
I'll make you proud because I do
I love you so
I love you so
I love you so

I dedicate this song to my parents for always being there for me no matter what. I will always be thankful for the kind of love and support that they have given me even when I made mistakes and for each time I disappoint them. The thing with them is that they allow me to explore life and when I fall and do not make the best choice, they point out the lessons to me and allow me learn from it. I don’t think I will ever survive this life if not for them. They’re not with me but they have been the BEST. I feel like I can do anything in my life for as long as I have their support. To my mama and papa, I will make you proud and I love you, this song definitely sums what I want to say to you.

young and free

2007-08-03T05:21:00.000+03:00

I complained about being alone and spending my time alone lately. I sometimes dread to be alone. But I realized that there are some advantages to being with me, myself and I. Like today for example, I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want. Being here in Cebu is already a huge step for me, I dream of going places someday and meeting different kinds of people and different cultures. I know it's not gonna be too late. I am young and I am FREE...

Friendster Update

2007-08-02T07:14:00.000+03:00

Meg and Cj pointed out that I haven't updated my friendster lately and I believe the last time I checked was last May when I went home for my brother's big day. It's so amazing what I found out lately. People or my friends to be exact are actually getting married or are already married. I just can't believe it. Has it been that long? Wow. It shouldn't shock me at all cause even my own brother just got married this year with his longtime girlfriend. I am amazed and envious at the same time, do I want to hear wedding bells ring for me? Of course I do even though I am scared of it I find myself dreaming of marrying my prince charming. SO I am happy being single for now. I have my whole life to plan out and I am hoping that maybe somewhere along the way it will happen to me. It would really be a dream come true.

Change

2007-08-02T05:55:00.000+03:00

I thought change would be good for me and at some point change is a good thing. I've announced it sometime ago that I was getting into the habit of smoking but after puffing 12 sticks in a day, and a few more sticks later, I decided to QUIT. It's not for me really. I know it felt liberating and good but it made me feel worse after. I am not saying that people who smoke are bad, I am only saying that it is really not for me. I have a conviction in my heart to stay away from it. When Lindz found out that I tried smoking, he was furious at me and telling me that he loved me for who I am and that's when I realized that though there may be things that I need to change about myself it has to be change for good. People have been asking me if I am having a problem cause I resorted to smoking and I cannot begin to explain to them what I exactly I am going through right now. I can't find the words to describe how I feel. All I know is that it is something that is hard to share even with someone I trust with my own life. Let's just say that I am at a crossroad and it's hard to take one more step. There are a lot of things holding me back, a lot of fears and apprehension and I am beginning to feel lost.

I want to be reckless and free, never counting the consequences but I have seen other people who tried to live their lives that way and they ended up regretting what they've done and I don't want to look at my life someday and have a lot of regrets.

Another thing is, I don't know how I learned to survive being away from home longer than I have imagined. When I first started out here by myself I didn't intend to stay long but I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else and I managed to get the position that I worked hard for. I've met a lot of people and have formed bonds and friendships that are now hard to break.

Last night was hard for me, early that day I learned that my roomie Meg's dad died. It was hard for her and I can only imagine how tough it would be going through such pain especially after a recent break with her boyfriend. She had to leave for Bacolod. I am left alone in my room. I've started to feel really lonely lately. It's a kind of loneliness that I dread feeling. I transferred to a new place with Meg just a month ago and it was great cause it provided a room with aircon. I was used to be at my old boarding house that even though I stayed alone in my room I know that there are other people inside their rooms and I never got to feel alone. Whenever I do, I'd go out or hang out at my landlady's kitchen and she'd be there, we would talk and I wouldn't feel lonely. But it's different now, I go out from the room and find no one. Tv nor music do not bring comfort anymore. Lindz couldn't understand what I was going through and I don't blame him, he has his own set of problems to take care of and I don't want to add to it.

I still find myself helplessly falling in love with him even though a lot has changed between us. I am used to eating with him during lunch or just seeing him everyday, I am used to him paying me a visit at my place, holding my hand, taking me out to the mall or the movies but now, he's been having a lot of excuses not to see me and though I sometimes doubt that he's with someone else, I am ruling it out until I can be positive about it. I only feel that he needs time to be alone and be with himself without me nagging at his side. I'll always be there for him and I know for for sure that he needs this time to be alone so he can chart his course. Whatever happends between us, I am preparing myself for it.

There is so much that I want to pour my heart on. I want so much to share how I am feeling but I don't think there would be anyone in the world who will understand what I am going through.

An Honest Entry

2007-07-10T07:56:00.000+03:00

I woke up today wanting to feel and see some changes in my so-called life. I realized that I have been trying to be good all my life. I’ve been trying to be good at everything, a daughter, a friend and everything that I am. I’ve always been afraid to try new things and I’ve tried to be at the safe zone always. Always thinking of what other people might say or think. And you know what I realized? I just want to be me. I want to be loved for who I am. I bought a pack of cigarettes hoping that someone might care enough to ask me to stop. I want to prove to myself that even if I am not good or so much less than perfect, I still am worth loving. I know I am sounding pathetic here cause I know that deep in my heart and in the recesses of my mind, I am worth loving but a part of me just wants to prove it. I want to be loved not because I am good but because I am me. Sounds familiar? Don’t we all want that? I’ve started to smoke just for the heck of it. I’m going against what I’ve always believed in. I just want a taste of freedom. I was brought up in such a way that smoking and excessive drinking is bad. I’ve made several attempts before to really smoke but I quit even before I start. I find it smelly and I just couldn’t stand puffing smoke. But lately it’s been a liberating feeling going against my belief that smoking is bad. I know it kills and I intend to stop before I get hooked. Maybe smoking for me now is just a temporary insane thing. For once in my life, I want to feel bad about myself. I feel like I am lost and I need someone to anchor me.

You'll Think of Me

2007-06-09T02:29:00.001+03:00

You'll Think Of Me

Keith Urban

I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah

And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday

I owe you's

2007-05-28T12:42:00.000+03:00

To my mama:

As I walk through my museum of memories, I owe you - for your time. Day and night. I owe you - for your example. Consistent and dependable. I owe you - for your support. Stimulating and challenging. I owe you - for your humor. Sparky and quick. I owe you - for your counsel. Wise and quiet. I owe you - for your humility. Genuine and gracious. I owe you - for your hospitality. Smiling and warm. I owe you - for your insight. Keen and honest. I owe you - for your flexibility. Patient and joyful. I owe you - for your sacrifices. Numerous and quickly forgotten. I owe you - for your faith. Solid and sure. I owe you - for your hope. Ceaseless and indestructible. I owe you - for your love. Devoted and deep.

-Charles R. Swindoll, Strong Family

Why now?

2007-05-27T03:41:00.000+03:00

-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-

This blogger's Beau

5.27.07. Isn't it obvious by now that I am in love and still in love? The romantic hopeful that I am is still in love even after 14 months has passed and I am still counting the days and still hoping for what most girls dream about. I had hoped and I am still hoping that we'd be celebrating more than just 14 months but maybe a lifetime together. Pressing the rewind button would reveal that this relationship is standing the test time. A lot has changed since then.. He fell in love with my long chocolate-brown silky hair and I just fell for him. My hair is shorter and my beau has gained weight and looking every bit awesome and I have become an envy of most girls. But more than the superficiality side of things, I love my beau for always bringing out the bst in me and for loving me despite the worst in me. I may be away from him on this day but I still would want to celebrate and mark today as our 14th month. People know that when they're still in love and head over heels over someone because they feel a throbbing pain in their chest everytime they think of that person who brings music into their life. *sigh*... I love you Lindz and I thank God for all the laughter and thank you for loving me and for bringing music into my life. Thank you for being patient with me and for tolerating my drama. I'll see you when I come back and yes, I miss you too.

Honey, this song's for you

Bryan Adams
When You Love Someone

When you love someone you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon put out the sun
When you love someone
You'll deny the truth believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe
you can really fly
But your lonely nights have just begun
When you love someone
When you love someone y ou'll feel it deep inside
And nothin' else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone
When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and
you won't think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-

This blogger's brother

This dude just got married today, 5.26.07. It was a very warm and cozy celebration that was celebrated with close family and friends. My brother was every inch looking like a handsome knight in his barong and Angeli was radiantly glowing as she walked down the aisle. It was a pretty sight to see and will forever cherish that moment, looking at my brother gazing at his Bride-to-be with so much love. I was holding back tear s watching them and there's always something beautiful about weddings that always gives a twitch inside all the time. I couldn't believe that I was actually watching my own brother getting hitched. He made a proud announcement at the wedding reception that they've been together for 8 years. They finally decided to tie knot and will be welcoming a baby Fortich come September. I

wouldn't blame my kuya for starting a family at such a tender age of only 24 but he'll be turning 25 this June 6, he started young, again, they've been together longer than most marriages these days and he has a stable job working as a lead in the biggest and pioneering callcenter in Mindanao. I guess he has what it takes to start a family of his own now.

Message to the Groom (My Kuya Paolo): Kuya, I love you and will always be proud of you. I can't believe you'll be a dad soon and I know for a fact that both Anj and baby are blessed to have you in their lives. We, your family are blessed to have you with us and for being a part of us. You have your own family to take care of now but you'll always be part of this family.

Message to the Bride (Beautiful Angeli): We warmly welcome you into the family. I know there'll be many adjustments to make especially now that not only have you become part of the Fortich family but we will also be welcoming a new member soon. We're really glad to have you with us. Please feel at home, we are one family now.

I on the other hand is only just beginning to accomplish my dreams and I wake up each day knowing that every day brings me closer to that dream.

-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-
This blogger's birthday

I took a picture of me as the clock ticked 5.25.07. I actually don't feel any different, I still feel the sa me person as I was but I feel only a year older. I've already welcomed adulthood a long time ago and birthdays have now become mere reminders that I'm not getting any younger and will soon face wrinkles. I haven't seen a trace of wrinkles on my face yet so I'm not yet worried.

A couple of people have greeted me and mostly from very close ones. I marked my 24th year with lunch with my family. The food was great and more than the food was the time I spent with the 5 of us. I missed my brother Kaloi who has been in Manila for quite some time and flew in to Cagayan de Oro to witness and celebrate our Kuya's wedding. It was just a plain delight having my family all in one table. It'll take time until we can all be together in one table again especially now that my kuya is married and my younger brother is only about to graduate from animation school and will be looking for a job and I have decided to stay in Cebu. It was a simple celebration but it meant a lot to me having celebrated my 24th birthday with my entire family. I couldn't ask for more.

-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~- ~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-

This blogger's mobile phone

Sony Ericsson W850i. I grabbed this unit about a month ago. I was just surfing the web, was checking out gadgets, trying out it's features online and I fell in love with this phone. I didn't set out to buy this thing not until I got the moolah for it so my beau and I set out to buy it. My heart almost sank when I gave the saleslady the money for it, I was carrying cash with me the entire time and giving it up for this phone was not easy. At the last moment, I changed my mind but I know I needed to buy something for working really hard for more than 2 years, not that I deserved a reward or anything but I just wanted something tangible out of the earnings I got. I downloaded all my fave songs, took pictures and videos of me, my friends and family. I don't regret grabbing this phone for it became a companion for my beau and I on lonely days and nights and it provided rel ief and an escape from harsh realities in life just by listening to good music. I made a couple of friends just by sharing music through bluetooth. It's simply amazing. It won't be long until this phone will soon be replaced by newer versions but it doesn't matter to me anyway cause this phone has served its purpose.

-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-

This blogger's song

Natasha Bedingfield

Unwritten

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

I carry this song with me lately. I really do believe that

the best is still unwritten.

-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-

This blogger's career

Team Go Nadz!

I have an amazing team composed of diamonds in a rough. They've been a very good bunch although they're not perfect but they make going to work worthwhile. I appreciate everyone in the team and I could only hope that I am able to take care of their needs being their supervisor.

Skyrise IT Building

This is where I spend most of my time and where I have established my career. I remember looking at this empty lot where this building now stands. It looks like a gem at night. It is mostly filled with people working inside this building at night more than during the day. It's only one of the IT buildings around IT park where both my beau and I are working. I work at the fourth floor of the building while he works on the sixth.

My Desk

I tried to be really organized every time I work but as the day (or shall we say as the night) starts, I lose track of the things that I need to do that the stuff on my desks ends up scattered everywhere.

Despite all the mess on my desk, I now have a place reserved just for me at the office and I can't be any more happier. I had to work my a** off to earn my right to have a desk of my own.

-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-

Random ramblings. I want to thank a person whom I call "Valentine." He is the only other person I know aside from my bestfriend Alma who celebrates his birthday on Valentine's day. He made my trips from Cebu to CDO and back to Cebu comfortable and eady by making sure that I have a space to rest, providing me a free upgrade and for bringing me coffee every morning before the boat docks. I don't think I'll ever forget this person for being generous and kind enough for helping a D.I.D like me. I'm used to travelling alone but I dread having to face the lonely sea by myself so I always welcome good companies such as his on such occasions. He made me feel a little special by treating me like VIP in his own little way. I could only offer him music and stories in return.

Who I am...

2007-05-26T23:53:00.001+03:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Blogging on a Sunday

2007-05-20T11:20:00.001+03:00

This blog will have no theme, whatever goes then, I am just dying to let these emotions out because I can feel that they are bottled up and I just want some form of release. Let the writing begin…

I’m here at the office on a Sunday. This is a rare and unusual occurrence since I usually spend my time at my room or with my boyfriend on a Sunday but since he changed his schedule I didn’t know then just how exactly to spend my Sundays. Well, I decided to treat him out for lunch, I’ve been lashing out on the poor guy for days now and I can feel that our relationship is hitting the rocks and if I keep on behaving the way I have been behaving around him these past days then I guess it won’t be long until we say bye bye to each other. I don’t know how to deal with these emotions, I try not to be too jealous or possessive but I cannot help it sometimes. My mom would tell me that I need to control my emotions and not lash out or throw temper trantrums at him. Sometime ago, I was almost impossible to deal with that he decided not to see me for days. It was torture and it was a lesson I needed to learn and relearn. I guess I need to chill and just relax and trust the guy. He’s been a really good person to me and I love him for that.

I used to be a blog addict. I could sit in front of the PC for hours just trying to update or making new revisions on my blog. Reading through the blogs of my friends never fails to make my day especially on a really hard day when I just need an escape from all the bliss and demands of the world. I applaud my bestfriend Rox for being a great writer and all my friends who are witty and I just envy how their creative minds work and work to their advantage.

Here are a couple of dates that I want to take note of, it was on a sunshiny Saturday of October 21, 2006, my exs birthday by the way when it was announced to the entire office that I was promoted to Supervisor –OIC and was officially made a Supervisor Trainee by November, the offer letter was handed on November 8, 2006, the day that I turned 2 years with the company and just this May, I am a now a full-fledged Supervisor completing my training for 6 months. I feel that I am only a step away from my dreams and I won’t be disclosing those dreams just yet. My birthday is coming soon on the 25^th. My brother’s wedding is on the 26^th. I just picked up my dress for the wedding yesterday. My beau and I will be celebrating 14 months on the 27^th. A lot of dates to remember and I can only be grateful for the opportunity to celebrate them. This is all for now until I can keep my thoughts together.

_______________________________________________________

Nadina Mae C. Fortich

Operations Team Supervisor PeopleSupport (Phils.), Inc.

4/F Skyrise IT Bldg. AsiaTown IT Park, Apas, Lahug, Cebu City

Mobile: 0928.391.5447 Office: +63 (32) 234.8200 Ext.: 26378

Home: +63 (32) 416.8552 email: nfortich@peoplesupport.com

_______________________________________________

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

Low

2007-05-06T19:56:00.000+03:00

These are just a couple of things that I want to unload after a really hard day

~*~ I was feeling low.. My pride got bruised somehow. I came home because I wanted to and because I needed to. It wasn't for a vacation but because my mom got sick. I feel that everything that I have been doing since I came back has been a flop, I couldn't help myself but cry earlier when all her comments boiled down to not being able to take care of her because we have a communication gap because I have been away for too long now. I honestly don't think there's any communication gap if everything was set clearly in the first place. I am being blamed for buying the wrong stuff always... I can understand instructions clearly and can follow them thoroughly. I've never had to take care of a sick person plus I never thought that her sickness was that serious. I know that ignorance excuses no one but I guess I just wanted a little credit for trying and for asking her what she wants that would make her feel better every now and then. I know that my efforts did not reach her level of expectation but I just hope that she'll recognize even a bit of it...

~*~ Blog hopping is one of those things that I actually enjoy, I could spend hours and hours in front of a PC smiling, laughing and crying my heart out... Just me, myself and I. It was long ago since IT in the office blocked all blog sites. Well, since then, blogging became seldom. I was browsing through my blog and my last update was last year. I came across my bestfriend's blog and I didn't know she dedicated a blog for her bestfriends. Her words were sweet and it made me feel honored, it was enough to make feel that I may not do things perfectly always but at least I am doing or have done something good.

~*~ I received the phonecall for my brother from his fiance, she was feeling upset about a lot of things, I normally dismiss her telling her that my brother is away or at the office but I sensed that she wasn't feeling well and that maybe she needed my brother pronto so I took the time to ask her if she was ok and I am guessing that she is having the pre-wedding jitters. I can only assume that it's normal for any person to feel that way even if you feel that you can spend the rest of your life with that same person. I'm glad I took the time to talk to her that way I get to know her personally and become really good friends with my future sis in law. I always complained about not being close to her but the question is, have I even taken the time to ask about her. I guess not. I know it takes more than talking her out from cancelling the wedding. I am sure that my brother loves her and will marry her in a heartbeat. Missing a phonecall or failing to update her of my brother's whereabouts will not always translate that she is being pushed aside or that my brother is not going to face his responsibilities. I can only hope that, that phonecall is only a start of a good friendship, not only because she'll be my brother's wife soon or will be the mom of my niece and nephew but I know that despite of my impressions about her, she's a great person and one who is worth every getting to know.

~*~ I'll be coming back to CEBU tomorrow night. I am not complaining about going back to my job that I have learned to love and live with but I know it's going to be hard leaving my mom behind in her condition. Especially now after that episode we had earlier. I can only take so much and even my job demanded too much from me, it seldom pushed me to the point of tears. I just felt that she was so hard and difficult to please. I honestly and completely lost, I feel that I have lost my balance. I always come back refreshed and rejuvenated after being home but it's different since the last time, I feel exhausted and more lost than I was before I cam here. Whatever I may be feeling now, I hope that things will be sorted somehow.

~*~ THe day is approaching, I am not just talking about when I turn 24, which is about 18 days from now, I am talking about my brothers wedding and it's the first in the family. A major and a lifechaning event in our lives. Our lives will forever be altered after this one day and I have been preparing myself for it. I don't know how but just for this day alone, I was browsing through the mall to check on dresses or gowns I could wear and I found one that would fit me and maybe be good enough for the wedding, I only have until tomorrow to take care of my mom and look for a fitting dress to wear for the occasion and I'll be back to my life in CEBU. So much to do in so little, plus I have to accompany my mom to the doctor tomorrow and hoping that everything will go well. May God help me...

My brother is getting married

2007-04-04T04:45:00.000+03:00

For the longest time now, I clearly haven’t taken the time to write anything on my blog. I didn’t even take the time to write about when I finally got promoted to Sup-trainee or when things were finally looking bright for my beau and me. I’d say I’ve been busy trying to make it out on my own. But this is one major event in brother’s life that I don’t want to fail writing about cause it also means my life will change from then on.

I called my mom one day to ask about going on a mission trip to Korea and Japan this September, I wanted more out of life so I thought that it would have been a perfect opportunity for me to expand my horizons. It was on that day that she broke the news to me that my brother was getting married to her longtime girlfriend Anj. I had no comment at first for I thought she was just pulling my leg. She sounded really calm and cool about it so I thought that my brother was “only” planning to get married and that maybe he will soon get married maybe next year. She was silent for a few seconds when I realized that my mom was in fact dead serious about the topic. So I asked when the wedding date will be. She replied that it’ll be on my birthday, and then she laughed. It became all the more a joke to me. Knowing my mom, I know she’s not the type who jokes about these matters so I was hoping that she was just in a way joking as her indirect way of saying that she won’t allow me to go on the mission trip to Japan or Korea. I asked her finally if what she was saying was true and she said it was all true. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It meant that my brother is moving out of the house. Since then, it’s been a roller coaster ride. I was shocked! It’s not that I was not aware that my brother had a girlfriend for six years I think or that maybe my brother is not the marrying kind, I was shocked because I didn’t expect it would be sooner than expected. I was expecting that my brother will eventually marry Anj someday since they’ve been together through thick and thin but I just didn’t expect it soon. I was numb, I couldn’t be happy, being sad is lame, close to scared, excited maybe? All I know is that the fact that my brother is getting married meant that I need to make a decision, a resolution for myself. I’ve been away from home for almost 2 years and a half. I didn’t even think that I would last this long considering the fact that I’ve been whining and complaining how life has been difficult living away from my comfort zone. My parents have been urging me to come home. The last time I finally decided to say goodbye to Cebu was when I got fed up with being taking calls that I lost the drive to stay longer but when the opportunity came, when the company promoted me to be a supervisor-trainee, I grab hold of it and planned to stay one more year or longer. It was a glorious day for me and it also meant that I’ll be staying with my beau around. I’m on my 6 month as a trainee and I only need just 30 more days, 30 more days to finally be regularized but I’m giving it up. I already celebrated 1 year with my beau. I worked my a*# off for what I have now and I decided that instead of being regularized as a supervisor, I am leaving the company in 30 days. It is by far one of the heaviest and most difficult decisions I have made in my entire and at 23, I feel I’ve accomplished what I thought I couldn’t. A lot of people, including my beau would tell me that my decision is not making sense. They say that why would I give up something I worked really hard for. I love my brother, no question about that and I love my parents and that is why it led me to this decision that whatever I have here, I was willing to give it all up for my family. My younger brother is in Manila as a scholar in an Animation school, so I can’t expect him to fill in the shoes of my kuya in the house. Somebody has to look after my parents or the needs of the house. The baton is passed down to me. I have loved and enjoyed my life as an independent career woman but I am giving up what others have long fought for so I can fulfill my role as a daughter and as a sister to my family. I am still groping in the dark and I’ve lost a lost of tears and sleep in the process. It tears me apart that I am leaving, leaving my team, my beau and my friends but I know deep in my heart that I cannot abandon my family at this time when they need me.

I love my brother, but I am sad that I never got to know Anj personally. We never bonded and now she’ll be my sister-in-law. I’ve got no problems with her or dislike her but I just never got the chance to be close with my soon to be sister-in-law. It means that she’ll be part of my family, a part of me. I want to welcome Anj in the family when I get back. I’ll prolly take the time out to invite her over for a movie or a simple lunch at home. She’s going to be a mom to my nephew or neice this coming September. I am excited about having a baby in the family. A baby Fortich. Hehehe I hope my house in CDO will not become empty but will someday be filled with happy families.

This is it for now, will update this blog soon.

_______________________________________________________

Nadina Mae C. Fortich

Operations | Supervisor – Trainee | PeopleSupport (Phils.), Inc.

2/F Skyrise IT Bldg. AsiaTown IT Park, Apas, Lahug, Cebu City

Mobile: 0928.391.5447 | Office: +63 (32) 234.8200 Ext.: 26378

Home: +63 (32) 416.8552 | email: nfortich@peoplesupport.com

_______________________________________________

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

favorite things

2006-10-17T15:34:00.000+02:00

Broken Dreams

2006-10-03T11:01:00.000+02:00

Broken Dreams

Anonymous

As children bring their broken toys

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

Because He was my friend.

But instead of leaving Him

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How can You be so slow?''

"My child,'' He said, "What could I do?

You never let them go.''

hard to do

2006-10-03T09:11:00.000+02:00

I've read somewhere that love is not enough. I couldn't agree more. Doy my housemate mentioned last night this quotation "holding on to a deteriorating love is like clenching your hand so hard until it hurts, but when you open your hand, it feels good but you have nothing..." Or something like that. It hurts having to accept reality as is. I love lindz and it's not a question whether or not we do cause we both do. I wanted to hear so much from him that my going back to CDO will affect him. I wanted to hear that he'd rather have me here. I wanted to hear him tell me how much he loves me. Knowing my beau, he's not good with words or he's not emotional about this stuff. I wasn't contented with just a "I'm fine with you leaving. It's good that you have better opportunities..." I wanted to know if it was hard for him as it is hard for me to leave. I couldn't help but cry cause he recalled all those moments we had when we were still getting to know each other. I remembered how we stuck to eack other like sticky rice. I remembered how happy I was when he decided to stay. I realized then how much he gave up just to be with me. I realized how much he loves me that he was willing to stay away from the comforts of his home just to stay with me here in CEBU. I don't want to leave my beau, I want to stay for him but more than that, I want to do so much more than just taking calls. I want to do so much more in life and utilize my God-given abilities. I love him but at the end of the day, I can say that love is not enough. I will never get tired of saying that I love him. I never thought leaving CEBU would be this hard. It was easier leaving home knowing that there are a number of opportunities for me here including meeting someone I could love. I would never regret loving lindz. I learned that loving is not only in togetherness, one can still love even though they're apart. I would want to say that this is only a test for us. I want for time and space to eliminate all doubts and fears in our minds and conclude that it will still be us in the end. I like what he said "come what may..." I understand it's not easy to be apart from someone I've spent practically everyday with. We've learned to appreciate each other for who we are. It's so easy to declare words of love but harder to prove it and I would say that love needs to be tested through time and sometimes even through distance. Call me idealistic and too romantic. *sigh* I don't know what will happen next but I know that in the end, everything will still be for God's glory and honor.

Back to reality

2006-09-27T08:35:00.000+02:00

It has been a mix of overwhelming emotion since I came back last Monday. It was hard for me leaving the comforts of my home and at the same time, I was excited coming back to CEBU to see my friends and to be working again after a long vacation. I was praying real hard for an update from my application as trainer in Link2support and I got a call telling me that I passed the powerpoint presentation and I'm set for a final interview with the hiring manager. I couldn't begin to describe how happy I was when I received the news. My dream of working in CDO and just to be with my family is about to become a reality. I went on to plan my resignation right away so instead of the usual 30 days notice, I wanted to resign in a week or so. My housemates and I proceeded to plan my despidida party at the beach this weekend. We were all excited but mostly, I was excited to be working at home and to do so much more than just taking calls. The only problem left was that I haven't seen Lindz since I left for CDO. I wanted so much to see him but I didn't know how. His mom gave me his new address and aside from that fact, we work on the same building so I can always wait for him. But I really didn't want to do it by my own strength so like a lil child, I asked God for help. After I did my laundry, he arrived at the boarding house with a huge smile pasted on his face. I couldn't help myself, I tried so hard to conceal the joy I felt for seeing him after what seemed like eternity. He invited me to his new place and to meet this person whom he considers his mom. There was no point of arguing with him but I had tons of questions. He's still the same Lindz I didn't see about 3 weeks ago. He was just his usual self, joking a lot that is. It was a relief. Something inside felt great and fuzzy. After we had sifted everthing, after I've said my piece, we confessed that we missed each other. I broke the news to him that I was going to leave in a week. He took the news well, it was for the best. Although neither of us wanted to be separated, we have to face reality. To be honest, it's not easy for me leave Lindz here, I wish we could still be together but at this point of time, it's a matter of prioritizing things. Top of my list would be my career. We're only 23 and we have yet to establish our careers first. I think that it would be better for us to establish our careers first before we even begin to be more serious with our relationship. So, I guess it's LDR for us. I honestly don't know how we'll cope up with this situation but I will bloggin about that next time. My company requires that I submit my 30-days notice. I have no choice but to resign in a month. I don't know if this is good news for Lindz but definitely not a good one for Link2 and for my family. They expect me to be home soon. I made the company aware that I will have to submit 30 days notice. I don't know the outcome of this event yet but I will soon find out.

-nadine Ü

When Problems Come

2006-09-22T13:03:00.000+02:00

My vacation is about to end, as much as I dread going back to CEBU I have to face the music this time. My powerpoint presentation for my application as trainer was done today. My experiences as an agent for almost 2 years greatly helped and while I was in the process of creating my presentation, I can't help but think of Lindz. I remember the many times we would talk about grammar, American accent and Customer service. He is a big part of me and I long to see him when I come back, I don't know how and I don't know when but I would rather wait when he visits. I leave everything to Gods mighty hands. Whatever the outcome may be is a win-win situation since I still have my job and I can always apply as a CSR if I don't get the post as trainer. I was checking my yahoomail account, I bumped into one of the spam mails I sent to my friends... I am learning everything from it again.

FIVE WAYS GOD USES PROBLEMS

The problem you face will either defeat you or develop you depending on
how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God
wants to use problems rather than pausing to consider what they might
bring. Here are 5 ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light fire in
you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and
motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your own attention? "Trust in
the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

2. God uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bugs. If you
want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot water! Has God
tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you?
"When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full because you
know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you
patience." James 1:2-3

3. God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn through pain
and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to
touch a stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we
learned the value of something by losing it. "It is good for me that I
have been afflicted; that I might learn your statutes." Psalm 119:71

4. God uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing  in
disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something serious. Last
year a friend was fired for refusing to do something that his boss had
asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem but it saved him from
being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's
actions were eventually discovered. "You intended to harm me, but God
intended it for good." Genesis 50:20

5. God uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded too
correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your
character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are
the only two things you are going to take with you  into eternity. "We
can rejoice when we run into problems...they help us learn to be
patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps trust
God more each time we use it until finally  our hope and faith are strong
and steady." Romans 5:3-4             


JOYFUL LIVING
Is not appearing right
To get the spotlight,
But doing what is right
To give light.

Unplanned

2006-09-17T02:15:00.000+03:00

My 12 day vacation is unplanned, my application to another company here at home is unplanned, the "misunderstanding" I had with my beau was unplanned... I did not plan any of these things yet it all happened. I did'nt even plan working for a callcenter in CEBU and survive being independent for almost 2 years. I didn't plan to meet my beau when I fought long and hard not to fall. Most of the things that happened in my life happened on its own. MOSTLY, unplanned... I usually map out my life like most of us would but I learned not long ago to expect the unexpected, to cross the bridge when we get there, to give room for change and to just go with the flow. Life has a lot of surprises, sometimes it's a good surprise and there are times when we would rather not be surprised at all and expect things to happen the way we planned it to be. Otherwise we end up disappointed that would later on lead to frustration and worse is becoming bitter.

I planned rather to walk into a relationship and never leave, to stay for as long as possible or maybe forever, to fight and work hard for it no matter what. I planned to be promoted to a higher position in my company before the year ends. But reality is, we don't have control over the future. My bestfriend told me that sometimes we work hard for something and NEVER get it while those that we don't give a thought of is served to us in a silver platter...

I would rather count all my gains than my losses. I will continue to smile despite of what happened between my beau and I and for what happened in my application for sup. I will definitely miss him but what more can I do? He left so I left. It's better this way than having to say so many hurtful things to each other. I told myself that everything happens for a reason,
whether good or bad, bottom line is God is to be praised and that He is still in control.

While I am on my vacation, if home is really where God wants me to be now then I pray that my application for another job here will go smooth and easy. There's no better place than to be in the center of God's will.

It feels so good!

2006-09-16T15:52:00.000+03:00

I joined the prayer and fasting today so I was not able to check my messages and plus I slept late last night cause I worked on changing my blogskin. I feel like making my blog as simple as possible. I found the perfect skin. So, here it is... It's plain and simple...

Today is a really great day, I just received a 100% CSAT survey, I am hoping and praying for my 0% CSAT to be disputed. The best news by far is that my leave has been extended so that means I have a total of 12 days vacation. It's more than what I bargained for. So, I'm all set for Davao this Monday. See? When God orchestrates, it's perfect, no bumps here and there, just smooth and breezy ride. My cuzs have been dying to see me and I have been wanting to see them. I haven't seen them since the last time I went to Davao that was some 4 years ago... I'm sure my cousins have grown and my aunt and uncles have grown old too. I need to see my lola. I hope that my visit will somehow encourage her.

My bestfriend Al messaged me this in friendster ->

Gang, at such a young age, dnt u thnk u should stop seeing ur guy after next after next as the "It" guy, the "him and you forever" should stop muna and y not enjoy muna relationshps and go from there.. if it leads to something serious, then invest being serious. Pero right now, i feel lindz is enjoyng his malehood. Y dnt u lower ur "me and you for good" flag and settle for "i love u and i dnt care if u dont love me that much" muna. I mean, enjoy love, youre still young. You have a career to work on, dreams to fulfill, family to support, i know its love, but nevertheless he is just a guy.

Being my bestfriend and all, I know it comes from her heart. I totally agree with her and it's somehow an affirmation of what I have been feeling all these times. I know that I haven't really talked to Lindz about future plans and all, but we've always been friends. So, I messaged him in friendster telling him that I was sorry for what happened and that if we could be back to just being plain ol' pals. I am hoping for the best.

I have plans of coming back here in CDO so while I am here I'll be submitting my application so that if ever I do come back for good, there'll be a job waiting for me. But they're all plans and still subject to change. What is definite for now is that I am enjoying my vacation and I know there are so many wonderful things ahead...

my beau

2006-09-15T18:06:00.000+03:00

I honestly miss my beau. Wherever he may be, I hope he's doing great and I hope he knows how much I am missing him so badly. I cannot even begin to explain how I feel. I see him everywhere even in my dreams... I just have to be honest with myself.

I'm happy to be at home with my family. I woke up with my room filtered with sunshine. I wondered where I was for a few sec when I realized that I was in my own room and that I slept on my own bed. It was simply great!

I can't get enough of this, I love being here, my parents have been urging me to come home and look for a job here, the prospect of moving back home is too tempting for me. I already planned it out though, I am gonna finish my 2 years in my present company and come back for good. I will be going back to school by next year so I need to find a job and save enough money so I can support myself. As for my beau, he has my full support in whatever path he chooses, even if it means letting him go, I am ready. That's how much I love him. I wish we could talk by the time I come back so we can straighten things out. I am ready.

I am so sorry

2006-09-13T08:28:00.000+03:00

I am leaving for CDO tonight. I almost cannot sleep from excitement last night. My leave was approved so I can spend at least 6 days at home. I haven’t gone home since the last week of February. This is the miracle that I have been praying for since the last time I spent time with Lindz. Looking back now, I miss him a lot, I think I always have, he’s the last thing I think of at night and the first thing in the morning. I know that it sounds really cheesy like the lines from famous love songs but it’s true. I did him wrong and I already apologized for it. I know it will take more than apologies to make up for the embarrassment and pain I’ve caused him but I am willing to pay for the price even if it costs losing him in the end. It’s a matter I cannot disclose in this blog but I look forward to seeing him someday with the past behind us so I am vying for time. I know that in time he’ll forget about it and I believe it will also serve as a test for the both of us on how much we want to be in the relationship or if it’s worth trying for. I know it is, because I wouldn’t walk into it if it wasn’t worth fighting for. I know I should talk to him but maybe when I come back from CDO and if the timing is right. We need this time apart. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be separated from him, I don’t want to lose him, as a friend or as a beau. I know we can still work this out but I want to be wise in my decisions. His mom gave me his new address but I would rather wait for the time when he will drop by at my place, by then his heart will be open and ready to talk about the future. I have prepared myself for this, I still have so much to look forward to in the future so again, I have no reason to fret. We’ll never know what is in store ahead of us.

Restless continued

2006-08-24T04:12:00.000+03:00

My beau and I rarely go out, for the lack of funds and lack of time. I see him everyday when we eat or just chill to watch DVD, talk about our day and then go back to work again. I know he's been struggling with his schedule. I understand cause I worked on GY for a year and I can honestly say it was NO fun at all. I live to work that time and it didn't give me the flexibility to join any other activities. I see him get depressed for lack of sleep, lack of good food and he's been homesick. I wish I could do so much more but what can I do? We're basically on the same boat except that I have a better schedule than him. I am confident that despite that things he is going through and I am going through, God is at work in our lives.

Here's one article I read today, in answer to my quest of being productive while I am still single...

Productive Singleness
Leslie Ludy
Author

When we are willing to allow God to use this season of our lives for His purposes, we discover an incredible truth: Singleness doesn't have to be a time of passive and futile waiting. Instead it can be an exciting adventure of active preparation.

Let's look at some of the ways God may be using singleness to mold us into His likeness and prepare us for a future relationship.

1. Singleness can strengthen our inward character qualities.

Godly Contentment

I remember learning a great lesson from the movie "Cool Runnings." It's a story about a young Jamaican athlete who has a lifelong dream of winning a gold medal at the Olympics. After a series of events, he finally makes it to the Olympics, his heart set on winning. But just before the competition, his coach gives him an important piece of advice: "Listen, kid. A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you aren't enough without it, believe me, you'll never be enough with it."

Tyler, a 25-year-old single musician, points out that the biggest struggle most singles seem to have, himself included, is assuming that once a relationship comes into your life it will make everything perfect.

"I don't want to put off living," he told us with sincerity in his baby-blue eyes. "My life doesn't start once I finally get married; my life has already started. I want to soak up every day for all it's worth, not just wait around for things to be perfect. I want to enjoy each year of my life to the fullest."

A relationship is not meant to make us into a whole person – only Jesus Christ can make us a whole person. Marriage should never become that gold medal we strive for that will finally make us "enough." We must learn to be "enough" right now, just as we are, in Christ alone.

While getting married someday may bring us great joy, we truly do have a reason to be happy and content no matter what season of life we are in – because of what Jesus Christ has done for us. True contentment can only be found in an intimate love relationship with the Lord, not in anything else, including a romantic love story. Singleness can teach us this contentment. In this season we can learn what is means to have peace and joy in Christ, no matter what our circumstances may be. And in a culture that is always longing for something more, "godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy 6:6, NIV).

Gaining the Strength to Stand Alone

Sometime ago Elisabeth Elliot made this profound statement: "Loneliness is a required course for leadership."
During a time when I was single, I felt completely alone-away from friends and family, away from Eric, away from anyone who really knew me – and these simple words gave me perspective on the purpose for my loneliness. God was using the loneliness to teach me complete dependence upon Him. I could no longer look to other people for my confidence. I had no choice but to find my courage and hope in Him. This kind of total dependence on the Lord was preparing me to become more effective for His kingdom. I was gaining the inward strength of character I would need to become a leader for Him.

A true leader must have enough backbone to stand alone, even when the crowd wants to take the easy road home. A true leader cannot be dependent on companionship for his or her security, but must learn to trust in God alone. Singleness can give us this kind of backbone – courage, confidence, and leadership skills that any effective Christian must learn.

Discovering His Gentle Arms of Love

Many years ago Amy Grant used to sing, "I love a lonely day ... it chases me to You." Years later I often heard those words echoing back through my mind during times of feeling alone. We can let the inward ache drive us into His ready arms, or simply try to bear it alone in agony.

Eric went through a time of profound loneliness while he was taking a semester off from college. He had just come from a busy schedule at school that included sports, study, and an active social life. He had been surrounded constantly by his good friends. But now, back at home with an empty schedule, while all his buddies were still at school and his family was occupied with their own lives, he felt an intense inward pain as he'd never before known. One day he found himself on his knees, weeping into the fabric of the sofa. The loneliness had become too much to handle. As he cried out to his Lord, he suddenly felt a tremendous peace wash over him. It was almost as if Jesus Himself were kneeling beside Eric, wrapping a tender arm around his shoulder and whispering words of love and comfort to his soul.

That afternoon Eric sat at the piano and wrote the lyrics to what is one of our favorite songs to this day:

I am like a deer, You are like the water.
I run to You, like a son to his Father.
I felt so alone, like a moth without a flame,
But You ignited, and to You I came,
And that's forever.

I felt so alone like a ship without a sea.
But You gave me water,
You took my hand and said to me,
"This is for eternity."

I'll never be lonely,
I'll never be lonely with You.
I've got this feeling that You're here to stay,
And I know I'll never be lonely with You.

It's so exciting to know that though we may be singing a solo in life, we are never truly alone! Singleness is an opportunity to allow Christ's gentle arms to encircle our hearts and discover how very much He loves us.

2. Singleness allows time to focus on practical preparation.

Discovering and Developing Talents and Life Skills

God has created us each with unique gifts, abilities, and heart desires. He has a master plan for each of our lives. Singleness is a time to seek Him with an undivided, undistracted heart. When a relationship comes into our life, often who we are as an individual gets swallowed up, and our identity becomes wrapped up in that other person. Being single is an opportunity to discover who God has made us to be and what He has called us to in this life.

Before Eric and I started our relationship, I went through a time where it seemed that opportunities for me to minister to young women were flooding into my life. As a single person, I had the time and energy to focus on this "informal" ministry. I loved every minute spending time with these girls. I spent hours responding to letters, taking them out to lunch, or seeking to encourage them over the phone. I realized through this experience that the Lord was showing me one of the forms of ministry for which He had created me. If I had been in a relationship, focused entirely on getting married, most likely I wouldn't have had the time or energy to discover or pursue this call in my life. The skills I developed during that time helped prepare me for the ministry God later called Eric and me to as a team.

Ann, from chapter 8, is using this season of singleness to hone her natural talents and God-given desires. She has been able to grow in areas such as music, writing, and public speaking skills.

"With a relationship in my life," she told me, "I would probably never be able to give these areas the time and attention needed to really blossom them into useful skills. I value the chance to focus on pursuing these desires."

One of my closest friends is Molly, a bubbly, attractive blonde with a great sense of humor. At twenty-one, she is using this season of solo in her life to broaden her horizons with things she's always wanted to do. During the week, she works for a corporation as an administrative assistant. In her free time, she is studying voice and developing her skills as a musician. She is also taking time to serve others.

"I may never be this free in my life again," she reasons, "so I want to use it to bless others as much as possible."

Molly took a counselor's training course at her local crisis pregnancy center and now volunteers weekly as a counselor to the center's clients.

Kyle, a 22-year-old single from New Zealand, is using this time in his life to experience the mission field through short-term mission trips. He has been to several countries to serve needy people and share the Gospel. It's an experience that has changed his life, broadened his horizons, led him closer to the Lord, and helped him discover the areas where he is most gifted. He is learning how to use his unique gifts for God's glory.

What are the desires of your heart? To train as a musician or athlete? To pursue a college education? To backpack across the country? To go into missionary work? Maybe it's even to simply spend a season at home serving your own family and community in practical ways.

Singleness can be the perfect time for developing life skills and discovering how to use your talents for the Lord.

Restless

2006-08-24T03:44:00.000+03:00

Though I am on a steady relationship, I still consider myself single. That should explain why I never changed my status on friendster. Lindz and I have no plans or whatsoever for marriage soon. So, what brought me to write about these thoughts? Well, I want to be productive while I am still single. Yesterday after work, I just spent 4 hours doing nothing and it got me depressed. Admittedly my eyes were tired after staring at the computer for 8 hours and that's all. I just lied on my futton until I fell asleep. I woke up to eat, chat with my housemates for awhile and then I fell asleep again. I would have wanted to read a book but my eyes were tired, TV was of no comfort cause again, my eyes were tired. I felt this way a few months ago so I felt like going home where I don't struggle to be accepted. Until I made a decision to apply for sup, sadly, I was not accepted. They opened a position for trainer and again, I am applying. I stayed longer here away from the comforts of home in high hopes that I''ll be promoted soon but that didn't happen so I am now thinking of packing my things and leave. I need to find a reason to stay cause honestly, I would rather be home than spend hours wasting my time away doing nothing. I have a routine though, I work from Tuesday to Saturday from 7:00am-4:00pm. I included Tuesday Prayer meeting, Friday Cell Group and Saturday Young Adults Fellowship, chill and relax on a Sunday morning and go to church with my beau by 5pm. I do my laundry on Mondays. So much for my routine. Occasionally, my roomie and I clean our room. I'm not a big fan of movies and I hate watching the tube for lack of something to do. I really want so much more than just sitting around and wait for something to happen in my life. I don't want to waste 4 hours of my entire day doing nothing. It's funny that while other people don't have enough time, I have all the time in the world to do something.

n8vandyke

2006-08-18T22:04:00.000+03:00

Recline

I passed by CSA Caloy Lims station when I noticed him checking out some online artwork. It got me really interested so he referred me to his fave artist website Nate Van Dyke: www.n8vandyke.com. It reminded me my lil bro who happens to be named Kaloi too and it made me miss him all the more. My brother actually maintains his deviantart at: www.karloi.deviantart.com. My CSA friend Caloy is also passionate about art just like my lil bro and my beau. I began to browse through the website and by this time, I became a fan myself. He has an unusual way of presenting his illustrations. Gets me thinking each artwork I check. I like all his illustrations so I am posting 2 of them on this blog.

I like the illustration Recline cause it kinda reminds me to relax and unwind. 2 weeks of being on graveyard wasn't that easy. Tonight is my last day on graveyard so I am sooo looking forward to be sleeping at night. I don't think I'll survive the GY shift ever again. Well, if I have to then I'll struggle to survive. I doze off even if I close my eyes for awhile. I promised myself never to work on GY. I am in some way glad that they did not promote me yet. I'm not too flexible with the schedule.

Things are really going well at home and I have been looking forward to go home since the last time I came to visit February this year. So, I applied for a vacation leave just in time for my Mama's birthday on August 29. To my dismay, they did not approve my leave at all. It left me brokenhearted. I can't wait to see my family, my mom, my papa, my brothers, joel our puppy.*sigh* I wish I could see her on her birthday but the usual, a phonecall will do for now.

August is about to end and pretty soon, the streets, the houses and tall buildings will be lined up with Christmas lights and decorations. Something that I have been looking forward to since the start of the year. I wish to celebrate Christmas at home this year. For the past 2 years now, I had to celebrate it at the office. It wasn't too bad at first but I don't think I want to celebrate another year in the office again. I remember that it was around the peak of Christmas Season when I first came to CEBU. It was November 6, 2004 to be exact and a year and almost a month after, I met my beau on December 2, 2005. Our company held a hiring madness at that date so I remember the details very well. I will be celebrating 2 years of independence pretty soon and I can't believe I survived. All in Gods grace and goodnes. So many things to go through in the future and 2 years is only a fraction of a lifetime. One thing I know for certain is that the safest place I can ever be is in the center of Gods will.

I will try my best not to be overly emotional on my blog. Sometimes I forget that anyone can just read my blog and I am laying my thoughts and my heart bare for other people to judge me or misjudge me otherwise. It's a risk I took since I started this blog.

My GY shift is about to finish, can't wait to sleep at night.

Try Again

2006-08-18T01:45:00.000+03:00

I am on my second to the last day as a mentor for EC-75. I feel like a failure after mentoring my second batch of mentees. The fact is, the new schedule is on a graveyard. Shift starts at 10PM-7AM. I struggled when I worked on graveyard last year and I realized that I never wanna work on GY ever again. I always feel tired and sleepy and I don't feel as productive as I would be if I were in the day shift. The good thing about my account is that the shift is for 24 hours and I get to choose morning sched. I will be taking calls by Tuesday. I'm not complaining at all cause my shift starts at 7:00AM. Thank God and I can't wait to wake up lovely in the morning. There are a lot of incentives when taking calls so I have no reason to complain about going back to the floor. Being a mentor gave me the break I needed from taking calls for a year and 7 months.

I appreciate Lindz effort of going with me to work this past 2 days now. He's actually on his rest days and instead of going out with his friends, he chose rather to go with me to my office for my GY shift and we spent an hour at least drinking coffee outside before logging in for my shift. I must say that I love the time with him and I'm sure he enjoyed my company as well. I was never able to adjust for my GY shift but I am just so thankful that I can at least share the night with Lindz. 2 weeks of torture but I was able to bond with my beau. I'm really glad that we never had a fight since last week except for the petty ones which has become our way of showing affection.

I couldn't get over the fact that I was not accepted as a sup for the past few days. I felt so drained and tired. I have to brush myself up and try again. The company is opening a position for associate trainers. I already requested for my sup to print out all necessary documents and to be submitted to HR. Again, I know it won't be easy to be rejected again but it's worth a try. I'm really happy for 2 of my friends, Angel, the sup I have been working with for my mentoring and Rob, he was not my teammate but we became close when I sat beside him. Even if I did not get the position, I am happy for them.

Old Buddies

2006-08-17T21:57:00.000+03:00

I stumbled upon an old friends blog http://shayne-ah.blogspot.com/. I knew she has been reading my blogs but I never checked if she had one but I think she has been posting through friendster. I read through her post entitled They… and I can't help but reminisce about the times we had. I even know some of the men she was describing under that post. We used to share a lot of things about love and life. Back then, I was in the comforts of my home while she had to study in Pisay. I must say that she's way much a better person after she had gone to study in Pisay. I don't mean to say that she would have been terrible if she had not gone to Manila but all I'm trying to point out is that her experiences brought about her being away from home made her closer to God and gave her so many experiences and exposure. While she is now studying to be one of the most celebrated doctors in the country within the comforts of home, I am working not too far from home. Our situations somehow got reversed. Being away from home has broaden my horizon, my circle of friends and influence.

I believe I can say the same thing for my beau. We almost parted ways not too long ago. I thought that we won't get to celebrate 4 months then but we're heading to our 5th month. I prayed earnestly before I entered this relationship. It doesn't mean that this relationship will be successful just because I earnestly prayed before I decided to enter it. My beau and I always rely in God's direction for our lives.

One of my co-workers committed suicide last Friday. Rumor has it that he has been having some problems with his marriage, his wife having an affair and some financial issues as well. We were all shocked. I never really had the chance to know him but what happened made me realize that it doesn't matter how old I will be when the right time comes for me to get married, it's not even a mere question of who I will be marrying, it's more on how ready I will be and how ready my future husband will be. I can honestly say to myself that I don't care if I marry late or never get married at all, for as long as I am ready for it. Right now, I clearly am not ready for marriage. There are so many things that I need to learn and I am too caught up with myself. There are so many things that I can achieve while I am still single and available. I want to become the kind of wife my future husband will be proud of someday. The kind of wife who will not push his husband to the point of committing suicide. I am so grateful for what happened to my ex and I now that I am looking back at what happened between us. At that time, my world revolved around him, we established our future around each other. We hurt each other through the course of the relationship and we left each other bruised and wounded. I thought it was the worst thing that could happen to me but deep inside I knew he broke up with me because he loved me too much and it was the right and best thing to do. I couldn't understand it at that time, my take was always that if you love someone, you'll stick with him through thick or thin. He wasn't sure of himself yet and we had a lot of issues to deal with that we were both dragging each other down. We were drowning and to save us, he had to let go of me and let go of the future we dreamed together. It was a painful experience and I hated what happened for awhile, I could never really hate him even after what happened but I've moved on since. It's been more than 2 years and I haven't heard from him. I know that he still loves me despite of what happened but I wouldn't give ourselves another chance to establish our lives together if given the chance to be with him again. I'm not bitter, I just happen to move on. I am happy where I am right now, I am happy with my beau. As for my beau and I, we look forward to being together in the future. So far, everything is going well between us. Believe it or not, we haven't kissed yet. I am happy and proud of that fact. Although admittedly, I get tempted to kiss him on the lips but I hold back my emotions. I like taking it too slow for now.

Sup Application

2006-08-15T04:24:00.000+03:00

I went through 7 excruciating and draining interviews and I did not get promoted. The Team Manager from Vonage told me that it's not because I am not good or that I am not ready but it's just that I lack the skill of sales. The interview was so smooth and it went great that I felt that he was going to accept me. After some thoughts and some planning, he just had to turn me down cause he fears that I might have problems if he puts me in a position he feels I am not fit into. He undermined my ability. I wasn't about to let him get the best out of me so I sent him an email stating about my desire for the sup role and here goes:

Hi Niko,

I understand how we talked about you not promoting me mainly because my competency does not match the skill that your account needs right now. Somehow, I have to be honest that I am really vying for the position not only because I want to be promoted but because I am confident that I am able to give a positive impact in this company and especially in your account. It's not because I am skilled when it comes to sales but I believe in passion and I believe in hard work of which I have been doing for the past year and 9 months now. Being with Expedia which in itself is a tough account has given me the skills that I need to lead a team. I am sending you this email as a bold move in my part with high hopes that you will reconsider my application as supervisor in your account. I made Expedia my first choice but when I became exposed to Vonage during my stay in Bay 2 for my mentorship, I realized that transferring to a new account will be a big challenge as much as it is a big step for me to step up the ladder. I want to make it clear that I did not apply as a supervisor because I only want to be promoted, as you said, because I am ready. I am ready to whatever account it may be. I will make myself ready and available. I do not fear that this move will be detrimental to my career. I do not want to undermine my own skills and abilities knowing that I am someone who does not give in to pressures easily. I am certain about this role and I am hoping that you will consider me if the position is still open. However, if you still feel that I do not fit in your account, I leave you as the best judge to it believing that you know your account more than I do. I thank you for your time and I must say that I learned a lot during the interview as well as during the feedback session.

All my best,

-Nadina

I honestly don't know what and where this email will lead to but I took all my courage and sent it anyways. Whatever will be will be.

OUT in the market

2006-08-01T09:47:00.000+03:00

My beau is now up for grabs. We both are. I just set him free last night. . I couldn't believe it myself at first but reality bites and it bites hard. It's the RIGHT thing to do. I asked him a simple question that is not simple to answer at all. I asked if he has plans for me in the future and what he said is that he cannot give me any assurance at all. We are in the relationship primarily because we're very good friends. But then again, I said it myself that we cannot force the issue between us. Things are not complicated yet so we're better off meeting new people. We're good friends for sure and we did love each other but sadly it did not work. What happened? We made an agreement to avoid getting drunk but still he did not keep his promise. How do I expect him to keep major promises when he can't even keep a promise as simple as not getting drunk. I know that I am doing the right thing. I don't have any qualms of being single again. All throughout the relationship, i have always been his support system. I was always there when he needed me and I gave it my BEST.

GOODBYES!

2006-07-14T02:10:00.000+03:00

My shift has been moved to 6:00am until 3:00pm for the past month since I have been mentoring. It's only just 2 hours difference from my regular sched. I have been having such a hard time sleeping and waking up 2 hours earlier than the usual. I don't think I'll ever adjust to this schedule. It is quite impossible. I can adjust well for graveyard shift but not too well for early mornings. *sigh* I need a break from a lot of things...

I am unable to access my blog but I still hope that this gets posted somehow. I miss my home again and my mom the most but maybe she'll get to visit me somehow. On a different note, I don't want to be the possessive jealous type of gf but I can't help it sometimes that I misinterpret some of my beaus actions. Well, I need to remind myself always that no matter what, I may not be in control of the universe but GOD is.

Just one more day to go and I'll be saying goodbye to my mentees. I had so much fun being a mentor. I've always loved to share my thoughts and ideas and especially things that I have learned. I am proud that they're doing great. 2 of my mentees are ranked number 1 and 2 and the last mentee is ranked number 6 out of 16 mentees. I am so happy for them and for myself. I can still imagine Quisel during his first day of taking calls, he was panicking and his calls even gets escalated to a sup. I even had to handle some of their calls but now, they've exceeded my expectations. I can't be any happier than that! I will surely miss them. I am praying that by the time they'll be endorsed to the floor, their sups will be happy and satisfied. Thank God for all the good things.

A Grain of Sand

Brooke Fraser - Arithmetic

White Horse

stuff from ed ed

New Year's message

Kikiro

Love & Relationships

Mystery

I Hate You

I could hold on

On the top

this might cheer you up!

Like a STAR

When Cheating Happens

unproductive

the warmth of your embrace

How to cherish the gift of a friend

ok... ok...

If I Am

Why A Soldier?

only the BEST!

the birthday girl - silver year!

The Nerds

Blouse of Many Flowers

Blouse of Many Flowers

beeee day! happy silver year with the nerds + Jude

no excuses!

My Constants...

silver year

Patented

when I look at the stars

Found a way!

NO OUTLOOK

Love Is...

We Could Be in Love

feelin' sorry

Eleven Minutes

Stars

Complete the Circle

I made it for you

I've found you...

Finally

Bantayan... Sinulog...

I'm going Home

Nth Chances

Remembering

My place called home

My Birthday

things to say

I'll Be Alright

young and free

Friendster Update

Change

An Honest Entry

You'll Think of Me

You'll Think Of Me

I owe you's

Why now?

Bryan AdamsWhen You Love Someone

Who I am...

Blogging on a Sunday

Low

My brother is getting married

favorite things

Broken Dreams

hard to do

Back to reality

When Problems Come

Unplanned

It feels so good!

my beau

I am so sorry

Restless continued

Restless

n8vandyke

Try Again

Old Buddies

Sup Application

OUT in the market

GOODBYES!

Bryan Adams
When You Love Someone