Purple Butterfly

When I was Born, you were born too...

Friday, February 25, 2005

When
thecolorpuple

Butterfly Tales
5:08 AM

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How can I?

Sometimes, when words aren't enough to explain... I guess this song speaks loud and clear... this is from one of my fave songs that is enough to set me blue and of course, one important detail, it's from the movie the King and I...

How Can I not Love You?

Cannot touch, cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss,
Cannot have each other
Must be strong, and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know
How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
Cannot dream,
Cannot share,
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel,
Must pretend it's over
Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say what we've known all along
How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you?
Must be brave, and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along
How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltz away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you when you are gone?

Butterfly Tales
2:23 AM

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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Tenderly
thecolorpuple

Butterfly Tales
6:46 PM

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of love and giving

Moving on with my life, I have read that placing teddy bears and cutesy mottoes on a desk signifies lack of maturity and confidence... oh really?! was it wrong to have placed it there in the first place? moving on... I have learned my lesson that some people can be mongus brained even when they were hired with the thought that they can be professinal enough as to not to touch stuff not belonging to them. I say that what matters most is what is beneath a person. Confidence does not just come from the outward or how a person walks and talks. In my own experience, I have met people who pose a certain degree of confidence yet underneath, they are as weak and as spineless as anyone who woul dare place teddy bears and cutesy mottoes on desk. I read further ...What's in the heart reveals itself sooner or later. Now there's more truth to that. A person of confidence does not rely on his own appearance nor on his own capabilities, anyone human is bound to falter and fail somehow. I say that a person of confidence relies on SOMEONE far more greater than nature itself... He is none other than the CREATOR Himself. Allow me to address the following characters that I believe should be evident in school, at work, in the whole community: "careful, sensible, and serious about doing the job properly; dress and act carefully, sensibly, seriously; graciousness, by simple kindness, by an unassuming manliness or a modest womanliness, and above all by a readiness to serve; person who can be asked to do whatever needs to be done without retorting, 'That's not my job.'; Christians are available. Christians aren't too high and mighty to do the nasty little task nobody else will do. Christians can be counted on, imposed on, sometimes walked all over. Why not? Their Master was." -borrowed from Elizabeth Elliot to sum it all up, there must be an atmosphere of LOVE and GIVING... at any place and at any time... which reminds me by the way to show an act of kindess even to that MB who had the nerve to steal my stuff, well, in an ideal world, may these words reach you, "forgiven."

Butterfly Tales
6:39 PM

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soft touch

Butterfly Tales
1:10 PM

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hello sunshine!

A few hours of sleep can do the trick for any weary bound body. I have forgotten sometime ago that I am merely human and subject to forms of weariness and helplessness. I woke up to the soft touch of the sun on my hair and on a bed I was unfamiliar of. (By the way, I slept at the office sleeping room, not on peter's pan bed) I couldn't make up the voice I was hearing calling my very familiar name... a voice unfamiliar of but not far away I was seeing a sight certainly familiar. Oh! I remember I said to myself, I had a human alarm clock. Having asked someone from the office (let's just call him peter pan) to take in the place that my trusty cellphone has been of service of but in the last minute was unable to do so, drained out of its life.

To my dismay peter pan had to leave me in that vegetable state. My mind was still heaving some *yawns* and pleas to sleep more when my thoughts thumped into reality that I needed to go home... wait a sec, home? more like a house to me. Leaving the comforts of an airconditioned room, I freshened up myself, combed my hair to look more human than a bear from hibernation and finally decided to make my way home... wait a sec... hmnn... I'm sure I had to thank my friend peter for being my momentary alarm clock. I guess he went home already. silently I said... thanks peter! and before I forget, mental note to self, -thank my ever trusty friend who always listen to me even in the most mundane updates of my non-existent so-called lovelife and for allowing me to use her blanket without consent. -sorry, you left early.

"thank you for calling -, my name is nadiana (butchered as tatiana)... is there a reservation I may help you with today?"

another round... next please.

Butterfly Tales
11:49 AM

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in an ideal world

found anyone interesting lately? none at all!

If my memory serves me right, there was a time that looking for the best seat in the house is a task not too easy a feat. Having to go to work earlier than expected only to get the best seat, expecting to be seated on the same place, anyone who knows this job can relate.

Lately, much has changed, I remember my stuff left untouched, things placed exactly the way I left them. Until one day, some moronic, idiotic sicko just had to touch my stuff! call me child brain but I loved those stuff. my brother could kill me if he finds out that I lost his stuffed bear and porcupine( i think no one would have guessed it was a porcupine) It took me some time to gather the courage to let my sup know of my plight... my plea to find my cutesy bear and porcupine. To no avail, I had to face the reality that nothing in this world is permanent and some people can be moronic enough as to take something meant only for display. The point of the matter is, those stuff, no matter how insignificant they may be to some has a lot of significance to me. I wake up in my bed at home with those stuff I see. I figured that since it would be impossible to bring my entire house here, then i can bring bits and pieces of my home to where I am currently at, in a place I sometimes dread. -the office- but, again, the world is not perfect. I guess I sometimes live with the thought that ideally, most of us should be taught that it is downright wrong to steal other people stuff. So I let go of what I've lost... good thing about it is better to have lost than gain something truly undeserved. I can't help but get angry and frustrated still. If I could contain all these anger and frustration in a ball and throw it right to the sicko! but let nature take its place, no sin shall go unpunished!

Butterfly Tales
6:28 AM

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B B B

B eaten...

B adly bruised...

B urned...

...adding insult to injury is the last thing I need right now. I've had enough. I scream but my voice can't be heard, I cry but no tear fall from my eyes, I sleep but not even wink, help? but even my loudest plea is unheard of, wait? ...yes... I will wait for the day that the sunshine will drive away the rain, to bring new life, to heal my aching wounds and broken wings, so someday I may fly... fly high.

Only time can heal this beaten, badly bruised and burned body.

Butterfly Tales
6:14 AM

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canned docs... even on blog

To see the world in a grain of sand and Heaven in a wild flower; hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.-

If I had a grain of sand each time I thought of you, I could build a stairway to the stars and beyond to the heavens.

Human being is born not to disappear as a grain of sand. We are born to imprint our feet on the ground and in everybody's hearts.

Butterfly Tales
5:19 AM

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Nostalgia

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Been feeling a wee bit nostalgic lately. Uprooted from a place I have been familiar with for 21 years... familiar faces, familiar places. In just a span of 3 weeks, I find myself in a place I thought would only exist in my imagination.

I remember not long ago contemplating on living away from home. I had thought that life away from home would be exciting, full of surprises, a time of growing up and discovering. I remember threatening my parents that I would shed tears of blood if not allowed to go my own way. I had no choice, I had to stay. Now, I'm grateful that I stayed. I stayed in a place I can always call my home, a place I know I'm familiar, a place I know that I'm bound to meet someone I know.

This is a different place now, my chance to explore the world (in this case, cebu) has finally arrived. I am mostly having the time of my life... admittedly moments like this sweep me off that I can't help but think of all the good things I've been missing at home...

comfy bed

great view of the city

soft music of the wind

moon rays on my large window

*sigh*

Butterfly Tales
11:53 PM

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meh meh meh and the current love... coffee

Butterfly Tales
5:36 AM

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black or white?

...drained, physically, mentally, emotionally, completely... Sometimes I simply wanna give up, like any human being. There are times that every fiber of my being simply wants to fade. fade to become nothing. why do i find it easier to fade away than in trying to become something? fading requires nothing... can anyone fade without doing anything? and so I ask myself... I wish to get out of this state. to be in the sunshine rather than in the rain. blame it on lack of sleep, lack of attention, whatever lack i can think of but one thing is certain... feeling goth. that's just it.

"Black is real and white is ideal" and so peter pan said to me in one of our delightful conversations. His statement made me think which to choose... looking at the world in either black or white. I certainly prefer white over black, white being pure, being peaceful and the idea of heaven. This world is black, real, raw and painful. My friend peter pan is right, I think of this life as black, real, and the afterlife, white... ahh.. sweet heaven... the idea of something opposite than black allows me to look forward to something ideal. Maybe now is black... real, raw and painful.

Butterfly Tales
5:13 AM

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now launching....

Saturday, February 19, 2005

I've finally made up my mind to create a blog for myself where I can just free my thoughts without the qualms of anyone reading about my life. I feel that my thoughts is only but a grain of sand against the endless of people wanting and needing to be heard of.

I have always remained a private person and for most parts of my life I choose to reveal it only to people I know who matter to me and that I matter to them. But in the advent of technology, I can't help but be amazed at how the world becomes smaller each day. Working in a callcenter and talking to people halfway around the world and whom I may never meet, it is a realization that most of us have not thought of eons ago. It never fails to amaze me how we can know a part of a person by reading about their thoughts and feelings online.

Years ago when most of us would write on our diaries, to keep the emotions private, this time around, most of us would choose to create a blog and hopefully break barriers of distance and race. As the years go by, change never ceases, the only permanent thing in the world and so I heard. I choose to use this privilege to share my life, whether as complicated as anyone else's or as simple as I choose it to be. Let this be the beginning of the new life that I am living right now.

Butterfly Tales
4:53 AM

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