Purple Butterfly

being whole without the better half

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I am happy and peaceful with my current state... that is, being single. I cannot define this new found confidence in being comfortable about not having to go out on a date, or coffee, or a movie with a guy. No, I have not turned into a man-hater nor bitter at the fact that it's been more than 3 months since I gave myself a chance to get to know a guy. I ask myself what for? I do not intend to get married soon and the fact that I don't need a better half to feel whole. I can be whole even without a better half but don't get me wrong here, I do not intend to live my life being single forever. I still do dream of that one person whom I will take care and cherish forever and he as well.

Admittedly though, there are instances that having someone would really be beneficial like for example when I get sick, nothing worse has happened to me yet ever since I became independent but getting sick. Since I came here, I have been very sickly and it does not help that not only do I earn for my own food, own place, own clothes, I have to take care of me. I do not wish to get out of bed when I am sick and wish for just someone to take care of everything for me. I have to face the reality that this is the life that I chose momentarily. I wouldn't go out date a guy in high hopes that we'll get along and so that whenever I get sick I expect him to take care of me. Not only is it a waste of time but downright wrong. It'll be dating for the wrong reason, dating so that I will have a slave and to be subject to my every whim. I still believe that out there I will have my chance at true love. Looking back then, I can see that I have poor taste, no offense to the guys I've dated, but to be fair, there are some who were great but sadly didn't work out. Anyways, not only were they liars, they were cheaters as well. I never wanna subject myself to such emotional trauma ever. I'm not being bitter on this or mudsling on anyone, all I'm trying to prove is that i don't need that crap right now. I'm already dealing with a lot of shit from my callers who scream and shout at me when they don't get what they want. I can wait and am willing to wait for the right place, the right time and most importantly, the right one. I'm not even putting a brave front to hide my insecurity, I am more confident now than I was when I was either dating or on a steady relationship. Hey, it's practical being single these days, it's cost-efficient and less hassle. I feel so free and happy that I can be who I want to be. It can cost much to take care of me but I am learning to take care of myself with all the love, I believe that it would be nearly impossible to take care of anyone when I can't event take care of me. 'Nuf said already!

Butterfly Tales
4:25 AM

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