Purple Butterfly

walking in and out...

Thursday, March 10, 2005

run... run... run... at this precise moment that's exactly what I want to do. To run to my own room, lock the door and cry my poor heart out! I'm not heartbroken, only exhausted. For the past days, I have experience nothing but tremendous pressure from my job. Does not help either that I have to carry an amount of phlegm inside my lungs. I cough it out like crazy, feeling as if my chest is about burst anytime. I look around me and feel as if everyone is fading. I remember how it was difficult to find a seat to start my shift, it was even more difficult competing with other agents who have louder voice than I have. In only a matter of 3 months or less, the number of agents on the floor have dwindled down, I heard one story that at one point, our HR department received 10 resignation letters all in one day. Imagine that?! If this keeps up, I wonder how we as agents are ever gonna survive all the calls. I don't blame those who have chosen to let go of this job, believe me I have been there as well. I remember not long ago when I got a call, did everything I can to help and all I got was I don't think you were of any help at all! -*toot* That was all it took to blow my top off... I was flaming mad at that comment! If that person only knew the amount of pressure I was in and the amount of effort that I was exerting she would not have the right to comment that. I decided right then and there that I was goint to quit this job and find something else. I was determined to walk out and never come back. I kept thinking to myself that I am young, I have a future ahead of me and I don't need that crap from ungrateful people whom I have no idea how they look like and I may never meet in my life. But what stopped me? I thought about her comment, I took the time to think of my life before I made any drastic decision. My job did pull me out from the comforts of my home, my family, my friends and the familiar places. I thought hard, real hard, and I came up with these realizations...

a) aside from the fact that I presently don't have a job available when I quit I had thought that if I quit now, then what are my chances of not quitting my next job? I am certain that any job in the world will pose one type of problem or another. Be it the lowliest job or the in the highest position, to whom much is given, much is required. If I quit now, chances of me quitting on my next job when it poses some form of discomfort will be high. I don't want that, I want to be a fighter, a survivor and not a loser, certainly not a quitter.

b) All of my calls are not bad, it's funny how one caller would say you're so charming, you're so wonderful, thank you so much, you're an angel, you're heaven sent, you have a wonderful voice, nadiana? what a pretty name... well, just to name a few and the next call would really drain the energy out of me. I take the good calls and draw strength from them and remembering that it is not MY fault, they are only upset about the situation. I appreciate the fact that some callers tell me that they are not upset with me but at the situation that they are currently in but despite that fact, it can still be draining. I am not as emotional as I was before and I have never cried over a call. I've made a lot of mistakes, even to the point of having to pay for my $530+ mistake. scary isn't it?

c) I understand how it is not fair to allow my emotions to dictate my decisions. I may feel bad about some of my calls but I am not gonna allow mere emotions to drive me to quit. It will take more than that. I am determined to rise above all these exhaustion when I can fight no longer. If my company feels that I don't have what it takes to stay in this job then I will let them force me to leave. I would leave with a happy and a light heart knowing that I did everything I could to stay, despite pressure, despite unfavorable responses.

d) I just want to be clear that it's not because that they are paying a higher salary than most jobs could offer that stopped me from quitting, -ey I can be happy not being paid at all if it's a job that I really love. The salary is not worth the amount of pressure and what is expected from us.

Bottom line is, I can QUIT! I have that option but I did not take it. I know better than to quit. This is not the best job in the world i know I know, I can do better than just take calls and sit back taking calls from irate callers who can offer me nothing. For now, since I have spent over a month of training, all these infos that are not even essential to my survival, crammed them inside my head so I have decided to make the most out of it. Do the best that I can while I am here. I am still blessed to be having this job... and to count them:

1) unlimited internet access, DSL not to mention, branded PC

2) comfy swivel chair

3) airconditioning

4) unlimited coffee and milo

5) of course, some incentives -cash or otherwise

6) speech practice (like maybe?)

I wish I could list more but I my mind is completely drained out...

Butterfly Tales
4:59 AM

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