Purple Butterfly

I was only Kidding

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Who was I kidding?

Last week wasn't easy for me. I received news from my landlady that she wanted out within a week. So, I allowed that to disturb my thoughts. It's never easy finding a new place to stay. I was disturbed by the whole event and it didn't help that I didn't know where to turn to. It was also a time when my housemates cousin was on a job hunt and was staying in the same place. Going back to my question, I was kidding myself when I said that I will not be affected. So, there I was, trying to cram my entire life in luggages and boxes so I can move out and start a new one... Since my housemate was on training, I was left alone in the house with her cousin whose name sounds like a girl. I welcomed the idea of showing him around CEBU, the place I love. It didn't occur to me that for the one year that I have been here, that I can already make my way around CEBU. It was a blast just hopping from one place to another and I don't remember having so much fun than those first moments when i was still discovering CEBU. I've given a lot of space between me and men for the past year. It's actually my first time in a long to have spent an entire day with the opposite sex. I enjoyed it so much that it hurt when I sent him to the PIER to catch a boat back to his home. It didn't help that it rained hard, as if the entire day wailed for his return and the radio played some heartbreaking songs about leaving.
Here's something from The Calling, I was just looking away from the window but every word pierced through my heart.

So lately, been wondering Who will be there to take my placeWhen I'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on your face If a greater wave shall fall and fall upon us all Then between the sand and stone could you make it on your own.CHORUS:If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will goWay up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go And maybe, I'll find out A way to make it back someday To watch you, to guide you, through the darkest of your daysIf a greater wave shall fall and fall upon us all Well then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you CHORUS If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will goWay up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go Runaway with my heart Runaway with my hope Runaway with my love I know now, just quite how My life and love might still go on In your heart, in your mind I'll stay with you for all of time CHORUS If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go If I could turn back timeI'll go wherever you will go If I could make you mine I'll go wherever you will goI'll go wherever you will go

I could feel my heart slowly breaking into pieces... Could this be true? Is it possible that I may just miss him when he's gone? No more husky voice to call me FORTICH or someone to make fun of while I dragged him all the way to GINGER SNAPS just to look at tiny baby clothes or strong arms to carry loads of dirty clothes for laundry... YES, he was leaving and I cannot help my poor heart from breaking. He was going back to a place he knew too well while I was going back to my own life. It was only but 5 days, barely a week and yet it feels like I have always known him. I felt a heavy tug before he left while pinching my cheeks long and hard. I knew then I was gonna miss him and will someday look forward for his visit if fate allows it...

Butterfly Tales
12:50 PM

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