Purple Butterfly

Old Buddies

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I stumbled upon an old friends blog http://shayne-ah.blogspot.com/. I knew she has been reading my blogs but I never checked if she had one but I think she has been posting through friendster. I read through her post entitled They… and I can't help but reminisce about the times we had. I even know some of the men she was describing under that post. We used to share a lot of things about love and life. Back then, I was in the comforts of my home while she had to study in Pisay. I must say that she's way much a better person after she had gone to study in Pisay. I don't mean to say that she would have been terrible if she had not gone to Manila but all I'm trying to point out is that her experiences brought about her being away from home made her closer to God and gave her so many experiences and exposure. While she is now studying to be one of the most celebrated doctors in the country within the comforts of home, I am working not too far from home. Our situations somehow got reversed. Being away from home has broaden my horizon, my circle of friends and influence.

I believe I can say the same thing for my beau. We almost parted ways not too long ago. I thought that we won't get to celebrate 4 months then but we're heading to our 5th month. I prayed earnestly before I entered this relationship. It doesn't mean that this relationship will be successful just because I earnestly prayed before I decided to enter it. My beau and I always rely in God's direction for our lives.

One of my co-workers committed suicide last Friday. Rumor has it that he has been having some problems with his marriage, his wife having an affair and some financial issues as well. We were all shocked. I never really had the chance to know him but what happened made me realize that it doesn't matter how old I will be when the right time comes for me to get married, it's not even a mere question of who I will be marrying, it's more on how ready I will be and how ready my future husband will be. I can honestly say to myself that I don't care if I marry late or never get married at all, for as long as I am ready for it. Right now, I clearly am not ready for marriage. There are so many things that I need to learn and I am too caught up with myself. There are so many things that I can achieve while I am still single and available. I want to become the kind of wife my future husband will be proud of someday. The kind of wife who will not push his husband to the point of committing suicide. I am so grateful for what happened to my ex and I now that I am looking back at what happened between us. At that time, my world revolved around him, we established our future around each other. We hurt each other through the course of the relationship and we left each other bruised and wounded. I thought it was the worst thing that could happen to me but deep inside I knew he broke up with me because he loved me too much and it was the right and best thing to do. I couldn't understand it at that time, my take was always that if you love someone, you'll stick with him through thick or thin. He wasn't sure of himself yet and we had a lot of issues to deal with that we were both dragging each other down. We were drowning and to save us, he had to let go of me and let go of the future we dreamed together. It was a painful experience and I hated what happened for awhile, I could never really hate him even after what happened but I've moved on since. It's been more than 2 years and I haven't heard from him. I know that he still loves me despite of what happened but I wouldn't give ourselves another chance to establish our lives together if given the chance to be with him again. I'm not bitter, I just happen to move on. I am happy where I am right now, I am happy with my beau. As for my beau and I, we look forward to being together in the future. So far, everything is going well between us. Believe it or not, we haven't kissed yet. I am happy and proud of that fact. Although admittedly, I get tempted to kiss him on the lips but I hold back my emotions. I like taking it too slow for now.

Butterfly Tales
9:57 PM

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