Purple Butterfly

Back to reality

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

It has been a mix of overwhelming emotion since I came back last Monday. It was hard for me leaving the comforts of my home and at the same time, I was excited coming back to CEBU to see my friends and to be working again after a long vacation. I was praying real hard for an update from my application as trainer in Link2support and I got a call telling me that I passed the powerpoint presentation and I'm set for a final interview with the hiring manager. I couldn't begin to describe how happy I was when I received the news. My dream of working in CDO and just to be with my family is about to become a reality. I went on to plan my resignation right away so instead of the usual 30 days notice, I wanted to resign in a week or so. My housemates and I proceeded to plan my despidida party at the beach this weekend. We were all excited but mostly, I was excited to be working at home and to do so much more than just taking calls. The only problem left was that I haven't seen Lindz since I left for CDO. I wanted so much to see him but I didn't know how. His mom gave me his new address and aside from that fact, we work on the same building so I can always wait for him. But I really didn't want to do it by my own strength so like a lil child, I asked God for help. After I did my laundry, he arrived at the boarding house with a huge smile pasted on his face. I couldn't help myself, I tried so hard to conceal the joy I felt for seeing him after what seemed like eternity. He invited me to his new place and to meet this person whom he considers his mom. There was no point of arguing with him but I had tons of questions. He's still the same Lindz I didn't see about 3 weeks ago. He was just his usual self, joking a lot that is. It was a relief. Something inside felt great and fuzzy. After we had sifted everthing, after I've said my piece, we confessed that we missed each other. I broke the news to him that I was going to leave in a week. He took the news well, it was for the best. Although neither of us wanted to be separated, we have to face reality. To be honest, it's not easy for me leave Lindz here, I wish we could still be together but at this point of time, it's a matter of prioritizing things. Top of my list would be my career. We're only 23 and we have yet to establish our careers first. I think that it would be better for us to establish our careers first before we even begin to be more serious with our relationship. So, I guess it's LDR for us. I honestly don't know how we'll cope up with this situation but I will bloggin about that next time. My company requires that I submit my 30-days notice. I have no choice but to resign in a month. I don't know if this is good news for Lindz but definitely not a good one for Link2 and for my family. They expect me to be home soon. I made the company aware that I will have to submit 30 days notice. I don't know the outcome of this event yet but I will soon find out.

-nadine Ü

Butterfly Tales
8:35 AM

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When Problems Come

Friday, September 22, 2006

My vacation is about to end, as much as I dread going back to CEBU I have to face the music this time. My powerpoint presentation for my application as trainer was done today. My experiences as an agent for almost 2 years greatly helped and while I was in the process of creating my presentation, I can't help but think of Lindz. I remember the many times we would talk about grammar, American accent and Customer service. He is a big part of me and I long to see him when I come back, I don't know how and I don't know when but I would rather wait when he visits. I leave everything to Gods mighty hands. Whatever the outcome may be is a win-win situation since I still have my job and I can always apply as a CSR if I don't get the post as trainer. I was checking my yahoomail account, I bumped into one of the spam mails I sent to my friends... I am learning everything from it again.

FIVE WAYS GOD USES PROBLEMS

The problem you face will either defeat you or develop you depending on
how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God
wants to use problems rather than pausing to consider what they might
bring. Here are 5 ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light fire in
you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and
motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your own attention? "Trust in
the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

2. God uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bugs. If you
want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot water! Has God
tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you?
"When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full because you
know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you
patience." James 1:2-3

3. God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn through pain
and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to
touch a stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we
learned the value of something by losing it. "It is good for me that I
have been afflicted; that I might learn your statutes." Psalm 119:71

4. God uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing  in
disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something serious. Last
year a friend was fired for refusing to do something that his boss had
asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem but it saved him from
being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's
actions were eventually discovered. "You intended to harm me, but God
intended it for good." Genesis 50:20

5. God uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded too
correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your
character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are
the only two things you are going to take with you  into eternity. "We
can rejoice when we run into problems...they help us learn to be
patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps trust
God more each time we use it until finally  our hope and faith are strong
and steady." Romans 5:3-4             


JOYFUL LIVING
Is not appearing right
To get the spotlight,
But doing what is right
To give light.

Butterfly Tales
1:03 PM

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Unplanned

Sunday, September 17, 2006

My 12 day vacation is unplanned, my application to another company here at home is unplanned, the "misunderstanding" I had with my beau was unplanned... I did not plan any of these things yet it all happened. I did'nt even plan working for a callcenter in CEBU and survive being independent for almost 2 years. I didn't plan to meet my beau when I fought long and hard not to fall. Most of the things that happened in my life happened on its own. MOSTLY, unplanned... I usually map out my life like most of us would but I learned not long ago to expect the unexpected, to cross the bridge when we get there, to give room for change and to just go with the flow. Life has a lot of surprises, sometimes it's a good surprise and there are times when we would rather not be surprised at all and expect things to happen the way we planned it to be. Otherwise we end up disappointed that would later on lead to frustration and worse is becoming bitter.

I planned rather to walk into a relationship and never leave, to stay for as long as possible or maybe forever, to fight and work hard for it no matter what. I planned to be promoted to a higher position in my company before the year ends. But reality is, we don't have control over the future. My bestfriend told me that sometimes we work hard for something and NEVER get it while those that we don't give a thought of is served to us in a silver platter...

I would rather count all my gains than my losses. I will continue to smile despite of what happened between my beau and I and for what happened in my application for sup. I will definitely miss him but what more can I do? He left so I left. It's better this way than having to say so many hurtful things to each other. I told myself that everything happens for a reason,
whether good or bad, bottom line is God is to be praised and that He is still in control.

While I am on my vacation, if home is really where God wants me to be now then I pray that my application for another job here will go smooth and easy. There's no better place than to be in the center of God's will.

Butterfly Tales
2:15 AM

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It feels so good!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

I joined the prayer and fasting today so I was not able to check my messages and plus I slept late last night cause I worked on changing my blogskin. I feel like making my blog as simple as possible. I found the perfect skin. So, here it is... It's plain and simple...

Today is a really great day, I just received a 100% CSAT survey, I am hoping and praying for my 0% CSAT to be disputed. The best news by far is that my leave has been extended so that means I have a total of 12 days vacation. It's more than what I bargained for. So, I'm all set for Davao this Monday. See? When God orchestrates, it's perfect, no bumps here and there, just smooth and breezy ride. My cuzs have been dying to see me and I have been wanting to see them. I haven't seen them since the last time I went to Davao that was some 4 years ago... I'm sure my cousins have grown and my aunt and uncles have grown old too. I need to see my lola. I hope that my visit will somehow encourage her.

My bestfriend Al messaged me this in friendster ->

Gang, at such a young age, dnt u thnk u should stop seeing ur guy after next after next as the "It" guy, the "him and you forever" should stop muna and y not enjoy muna relationshps and go from there.. if it leads to something serious, then invest being serious. Pero right now, i feel lindz is enjoyng his malehood. Y dnt u lower ur "me and you for good" flag and settle for "i love u and i dnt care if u dont love me that much" muna. I mean, enjoy love, youre still young. You have a career to work on, dreams to fulfill, family to support, i know its love, but nevertheless he is just a guy.

Being my bestfriend and all, I know it comes from her heart. I totally agree with her and it's somehow an affirmation of what I have been feeling all these times. I know that I haven't really talked to Lindz about future plans and all, but we've always been friends. So, I messaged him in friendster telling him that I was sorry for what happened and that if we could be back to just being plain ol' pals. I am hoping for the best.

I have plans of coming back here in CDO so while I am here I'll be submitting my application so that if ever I do come back for good, there'll be a job waiting for me. But they're all plans and still subject to change. What is definite for now is that I am enjoying my vacation and I know there are so many wonderful things ahead...

Butterfly Tales
3:52 PM

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my beau

Friday, September 15, 2006

I honestly miss my beau. Wherever he may be, I hope he's doing great and I hope he knows how much I am missing him so badly. I cannot even begin to explain how I feel. I see him everywhere even in my dreams... I just have to be honest with myself.

I'm happy to be at home with my family. I woke up with my room filtered with sunshine. I wondered where I was for a few sec when I realized that I was in my own room and that I slept on my own bed. It was simply great!

I can't get enough of this, I love being here, my parents have been urging me to come home and look for a job here, the prospect of moving back home is too tempting for me. I already planned it out though, I am gonna finish my 2 years in my present company and come back for good. I will be going back to school by next year so I need to find a job and save enough money so I can support myself. As for my beau, he has my full support in whatever path he chooses, even if it means letting him go, I am ready. That's how much I love him. I wish we could talk by the time I come back so we can straighten things out. I am ready.

Butterfly Tales
6:06 PM

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I am so sorry

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I am leaving for CDO tonight. I almost cannot sleep from excitement last night. My leave was approved so I can spend at least 6 days at home. I haven’t gone home since the last week of February. This is the miracle that I have been praying for since the last time I spent time with Lindz. Looking back now, I miss him a lot, I think I always have, he’s the last thing I think of at night and the first thing in the morning. I know that it sounds really cheesy like the lines from famous love songs but it’s true. I did him wrong and I already apologized for it. I know it will take more than apologies to make up for the embarrassment and pain I’ve caused him but I am willing to pay for the price even if it costs losing him in the end. It’s a matter I cannot disclose in this blog but I look forward to seeing him someday with the past behind us so I am vying for time. I know that in time he’ll forget about it and I believe it will also serve as a test for the both of us on how much we want to be in the relationship or if it’s worth trying for. I know it is, because I wouldn’t walk into it if it wasn’t worth fighting for. I know I should talk to him but maybe when I come back from CDO and if the timing is right. We need this time apart. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be separated from him, I don’t want to lose him, as a friend or as a beau. I know we can still work this out but I want to be wise in my decisions. His mom gave me his new address but I would rather wait for the time when he will drop by at my place, by then his heart will be open and ready to talk about the future. I have prepared myself for this, I still have so much to look forward to in the future so again, I have no reason to fret. We’ll never know what is in store ahead of us.

Butterfly Tales
8:28 AM

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