Purple Butterfly

hard to do

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I've read somewhere that love is not enough. I couldn't agree more. Doy my housemate mentioned last night this quotation "holding on to a deteriorating love is like clenching your hand so hard until it hurts, but when you open your hand, it feels good but you have nothing..." Or something like that. It hurts having to accept reality as is. I love lindz and it's not a question whether or not we do cause we both do. I wanted to hear so much from him that my going back to CDO will affect him. I wanted to hear that he'd rather have me here. I wanted to hear him tell me how much he loves me. Knowing my beau, he's not good with words or he's not emotional about this stuff. I wasn't contented with just a "I'm fine with you leaving. It's good that you have better opportunities..." I wanted to know if it was hard for him as it is hard for me to leave. I couldn't help but cry cause he recalled all those moments we had when we were still getting to know each other. I remembered how we stuck to eack other like sticky rice. I remembered how happy I was when he decided to stay. I realized then how much he gave up just to be with me. I realized how much he loves me that he was willing to stay away from the comforts of his home just to stay with me here in CEBU. I don't want to leave my beau, I want to stay for him but more than that, I want to do so much more than just taking calls. I want to do so much more in life and utilize my God-given abilities. I love him but at the end of the day, I can say that love is not enough. I will never get tired of saying that I love him. I never thought leaving CEBU would be this hard. It was easier leaving home knowing that there are a number of opportunities for me here including meeting someone I could love. I would never regret loving lindz. I learned that loving is not only in togetherness, one can still love even though they're apart. I would want to say that this is only a test for us. I want for time and space to eliminate all doubts and fears in our minds and conclude that it will still be us in the end. I like what he said "come what may..." I understand it's not easy to be apart from someone I've spent practically everyday with. We've learned to appreciate each other for who we are. It's so easy to declare words of love but harder to prove it and I would say that love needs to be tested through time and sometimes even through distance. Call me idealistic and too romantic. *sigh* I don't know what will happen next but I know that in the end, everything will still be for God's glory and honor.

Butterfly Tales
9:11 AM

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