Purple Butterfly

Low

Sunday, May 06, 2007

These are just a couple of things that I want to unload after a really hard day

~*~ I was feeling low.. My pride got bruised somehow. I came home because I wanted to and because I needed to. It wasn't for a vacation but because my mom got sick. I feel that everything that I have been doing since I came back has been a flop, I couldn't help myself but cry earlier when all her comments boiled down to not being able to take care of her because we have a communication gap because I have been away for too long now. I honestly don't think there's any communication gap if everything was set clearly in the first place. I am being blamed for buying the wrong stuff always... I can understand instructions clearly and can follow them thoroughly. I've never had to take care of a sick person plus I never thought that her sickness was that serious. I know that ignorance excuses no one but I guess I just wanted a little credit for trying and for asking her what she wants that would make her feel better every now and then. I know that my efforts did not reach her level of expectation but I just hope that she'll recognize even a bit of it...

~*~ Blog hopping is one of those things that I actually enjoy, I could spend hours and hours in front of a PC smiling, laughing and crying my heart out... Just me, myself and I. It was long ago since IT in the office blocked all blog sites. Well, since then, blogging became seldom. I was browsing through my blog and my last update was last year. I came across my bestfriend's blog and I didn't know she dedicated a blog for her bestfriends. Her words were sweet and it made me feel honored, it was enough to make feel that I may not do things perfectly always but at least I am doing or have done something good.

~*~ I received the phonecall for my brother from his fiance, she was feeling upset about a lot of things, I normally dismiss her telling her that my brother is away or at the office but I sensed that she wasn't feeling well and that maybe she needed my brother pronto so I took the time to ask her if she was ok and I am guessing that she is having the pre-wedding jitters. I can only assume that it's normal for any person to feel that way even if you feel that you can spend the rest of your life with that same person. I'm glad I took the time to talk to her that way I get to know her personally and become really good friends with my future sis in law. I always complained about not being close to her but the question is, have I even taken the time to ask about her. I guess not. I know it takes more than talking her out from cancelling the wedding. I am sure that my brother loves her and will marry her in a heartbeat. Missing a phonecall or failing to update her of my brother's whereabouts will not always translate that she is being pushed aside or that my brother is not going to face his responsibilities. I can only hope that, that phonecall is only a start of a good friendship, not only because she'll be my brother's wife soon or will be the mom of my niece and nephew but I know that despite of my impressions about her, she's a great person and one who is worth every getting to know.

~*~ I'll be coming back to CEBU tomorrow night. I am not complaining about going back to my job that I have learned to love and live with but I know it's going to be hard leaving my mom behind in her condition. Especially now after that episode we had earlier. I can only take so much and even my job demanded too much from me, it seldom pushed me to the point of tears. I just felt that she was so hard and difficult to please. I honestly and completely lost, I feel that I have lost my balance. I always come back refreshed and rejuvenated after being home but it's different since the last time, I feel exhausted and more lost than I was before I cam here. Whatever I may be feeling now, I hope that things will be sorted somehow.

~*~ THe day is approaching, I am not just talking about when I turn 24, which is about 18 days from now, I am talking about my brothers wedding and it's the first in the family. A major and a lifechaning event in our lives. Our lives will forever be altered after this one day and I have been preparing myself for it. I don't know how but just for this day alone, I was browsing through the mall to check on dresses or gowns I could wear and I found one that would fit me and maybe be good enough for the wedding, I only have until tomorrow to take care of my mom and look for a fitting dress to wear for the occasion and I'll be back to my life in CEBU. So much to do in so little, plus I have to accompany my mom to the doctor tomorrow and hoping that everything will go well. May God help me...

Butterfly Tales
7:56 PM

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